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Neutralized

Thoughts stumble
over paled dreams;

tongues stick
to the roofs of their mouths
as substance shrivels
to soundless articulations.

Hope reciprocates
as the most heartless of verbs,
desiccated by the sun...

purity left to fester
within obscurity's petrified womb.

Author notes

image inspired
http://photodream.deviantart.com/art/Hiding-104203807

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • positive anarchy
    December 7, 2008

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    Oh, this poem fits nicely with the picture...my only wish would be that somehow you could've incoroporated the oddness of the bird in the picture (somehow that element represented a striking contrast to the bleakness of the rest of the illustration) but other than that, you managed to connect to the inspiration of the drawing without being too literal.
    My favorite lines,
    "as substance shrivels
    to soundless articulations."
    Worked magnificantly...the sounds, the texture of the words were in direct harmony with the noise scattered background of the drawing...it made me feel as if my senses were colliding, sight, sound, and feeling becoming one endless line of static.

    Please contribute more of your work to this site. I was pleasantly suprised at your talent!
    ~Hippie


  • penman gold member
    December 2, 2008
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    Wonderful

    Very creative and so well done. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    December 2, 2008

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    the imagery throughout this poem is vivid and fantastic. I love the entire poem, especially the last two lines. Outstanding take on the prompt.

    good luck
    kat

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    December 1, 2008

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    Very nicely written indeed good luck to you in her contest best wishes always in what you do be well


  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great imagery. I think you did an awesome job on the prompt - good luck

1 - 5 of 5