today, hands dug in my ribcage, where bones separate
like birds and babies who learn to fly
I felt through every nook and cranny, in corners
where hope sat smoking up the walls;
in every muscle that's rusted by dead dreams
still decaying in my mind and whispering
"you are a sanctuary, you are home"
I explored until I found her,
she was chained to my soul
(which pumps in it's own circulatory system
and grows in the spines of its own cerebral)
I pulled her out, plopped her eye-to-eye,
told her "I can live without you now"
she walked away, a ghost,
and in her body
as clear and empty
as a stormy sky;
my heart was visible
Author notes
by Ryno
A contest entry
- November Rounds #2 by CitrineSunrise.
700 points, ended December 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Love the imagery in this one. Beautifully written.
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What a fantastic poem. I love the inner strength that your speaker is able to dig out of himself, and the hope and vision that is left at the end. Your images were just amazing... so unexpected and fresh. Amazing stuff!
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Aww, thank-you Ten !
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You are an imagery machine! It's really amazing the way you can create so many varied and interesting images in your poety. Every poem I read of yours is unique and I never read one that makes me think "That's a lot like this other poem Ryan wrote". You, my friend are a wellspring of poetic imagery!
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Thank-you; a comment coming from you means a lot
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Ryan, nice to see you come out and play.
Your opening is great, you make me want to read more.
I am not sure about the repetition of 'every' on line one in stanza two.
This is totally unique, but your ending is truly where the piece lives
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I love the way your mind works. You always create such wonderful imagery, and this poem is no exception. The use of "today" as the first word lends an immediacy to this poem as if you finally had reached the edge of patience and had to act. It was very effective.
There were a couple of instances where the grammar was suspect, but the overall power of the poem is more important than a few distractions. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz -
my friend this is something i mean that you did a fantastic job on this, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Awe nutz ya nailed what I was going to say this poem clearly was about thus the human heart but oh well. anyw ays a very brilliant portrayal least to me of how the subconscious mind interrepts pictures we see of ourself in tye mirror and well how othe rimages can be conjured up whether via memory or from soemthinge sle we have sene before and wlel thus something else comes. idk what da fuck im saying lmao. great write 3 clappys
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I love love love the last line; how you had no punctuation there was perfect. I also love how you started this off somewhat like a diary ('today,').
And your metaphor of giving your heart away to someone was amazing. It was totally clear to me and I loved that.
~Cassie
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