I sit here and I watch you
Asleep and in your bed.
But I feel you are still with me
In this dreamscape in your head.
I can hear you asking questions
Though answer i cannot.
Ive been in this place way too long
and speech has been forgot.
My world is ruled by the darkest fog
A blackness in my mind
And in this mirror you have bought
I see that I am blind
I touch the surface of the looking glass
cold and smooth, black ice
I wait in the shadows for several days
Until our minds reunite
You are a reflection of my light
an answer to my prayer
And when i see how blind you are
I know my pain is shared
But soon your dream will fade
and you will open up your eye.
Your turn to percieve what you see
in the reflection of your sky.
How long have we been living like this,
connected in the night?
I only know my dark is grateful
to be visited by your light.
Author notes
and this is my silver medal
I WANT TO WIN
this was an awesome contest idea...i want to see more dream inspired contests. If i get enough points ill learn how to host one myself. Anyway, this poem was done from the perspective of the blind girl in front of the mirror. hope you likes.
A contest entry
- A blind girl at the mirror by Amazon Huntress.
850 points, ended December 14, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES THAT HAVE WON BRONZE OR SILVER ONLY by liquidmindforever.
400 points, ended May 31, 99 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - We Are Walking In Cracked Sunshine and Fractured Memories {Prewrites!!} by rainbows..
800 points, ended July 8, 223 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Capitilize your I's. This is a very good poem, thank-you very much for entering it into my contest, and good luck to you.
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Interesting piece
Dear Poet,
Thank you for entering my contest; PREWRITES
FOR BRONZE & SILVER TROPHY WINNERS, ONLY
Wishing you the best
till then
stay
liquid -
connected
Very interesting, it's just as though you're the blind girl talking to me from my dream. Love the idea that my dreaming offers the girl the chance to see what she otherwise could not. That the two girls are connected by the power of the dream. This is spookily connected to another dream experience of mine, depicted in this poem: http://allpoetry.com/poem/4812261. Please, feel free to check it out if you're interested!
One point - the use of the word blackness three times in the same work is a bit of an overkill, try some synonyms - darkness, shadows, etc.
Good to meet another dream enthusiast
Thanks for entering!
*~Huntress~*
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hey i know its waaaay later but i tried to lcick this link and it doesnt go anywhere...could you send me the right one cuz id love to read your poem.
IXI -
thank you i will take your advice and edit this now. Thank you for your honest impression and i am glad you enjoyed it. Your dream gave me an incredible insight and i thank you for the inspiration to write this.
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I love inspiration, strike a spark and watch it catch, see the myriad colours and listen to the voices of the flames.
*~Huntress~*
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love it!
such a beautifully dark poem. it really portrays how you feel about them in a very dark way, i'm not normally a lover of dark poems, but i just love this one! Line 23 confuses me a bit, I'm not going to lie. If you already have seen it, why perceive? Is it that unreal? It may very well be, I could just be looking at it weirdly.
I love the last two lines, 22-23, they really tell me how you feel about the contrast between their blackness and your light.
but overall, just AMAZING :] -
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thank you so much for your response. I guess i can only say you can see something and not give it any concious thought and put no energy into it or take anything away and it will be forgotten and you will not have percieved a thing. I am glad you enjoyed this as i have had a blast writing it. These no PW contests always give me big surprises. cheers.
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