Cadres of soldiers stand in uniform lines
gathering in the amphitheater of mortality,
abysmally gazing into non existence, they the
machinery of Gods, turning revolution
like the gears of big Ben controlling time.
Withered, battered and bowed, yet somehow
sublime, not men but the force which man wields,
arms outstretched into the galaxy, trading within
their ranks celestial bodies and unworldly stuffs found,
some swearing to grip the sheen of heaven,
arms laden by the abscesses and recesses of intergalactic
gravity contorting their shape, pain stricken but
divining to chance the pursuit of ripping the fabrics
of the ethereal, but all things die, change and atrophy,
so too do these few good men at arms, frozen in their
attempts to ebb upon the cusp of infinity, waiting days
on end to be free, which turn to weeks, months and years,
in an attempt to gather their humanity and contain it,
bark embraces them: over coating them from the elements-
Feigning trees they find sparse relief and momentary peace,
winter days long and harsh, bowels break arms strained by snow,
habitation, a final service to their fatherland, as creatures
pervade life that was theirs with their own, gales once harsh
kisses of rain pained so good- now the deft relief and the gusts
are emphatic, in sync with nature finally achieving their goal,
to touch the fabric of the heavens, to be beautiful, and beyond human.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow!
Your abilities to pull the reader in are unrivaled. Your word usage is brilliant. I do think that you have the qualities of a born novelist.
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thanks a lot for the read. I will be sure to repay the favor as soon as time permits.
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The middle of this poem lags very heavy. The beginning and the end are both very well written but something about the way the middle of the poem flows and sounds... I'm just not sure about. Only one readers opinion but perhaps if it was shortened and some of the more weighty ideas condescend, as much as I hate to say it, it just feels to full as of now. Perhaps splitting the middle stanza into two would also work. Just a few ideas.
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It is apparent in your writing that you have a great love for language. Your words are fascinating and not crowded or confusing. You make unbelievable things tangible, bringing life to things seen only through faith or imagination. This was fantastic.
Carrie
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