Let the rain fall
I say.
Let it drop down
in a thick foray.
For we cannot predict
nor control
the events of today.
So let the wind blow
I plead.
Let it howl and scream
make my soul bleed.
For we cannot resist
nor hope
to intercede.
So let the lightning come
I cry.
Let it strike and burn
til my eyes do fry.
For we cannot ignore
nor avoid
our time and place to die.
Author notes
Once again, I have no idea where that came from...
DirtyLittlePrincess- Option 5
A contest entry
- Enter Your Best Pre-Write. by Simone Brooklyn.
1750 points, ended December 4, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I really really liked it. Very powerful write with a blast of emotion. Very well done. So much said in such few words.
'So let the lightning come
I cry.
Let it strike and burn
til my eyes do fry.'
That was my favourite part. I though the whole thing was great, great flow and rhythem to it.
Well done and good luck.
Thanks for the powerful entry. -
Fantastic ending to this piece, I was wondering where you were going to take it to, but you delivered this with remarkable aplomb; well done on that! Loved those last lines '@For we cannot ignore
nor avoid
our time and place to die."
How true, that no matter what we do, or what measures we take, or roads we travel, when it's our time to go, it's our time and that's the end of that.
I felt a little uncomfortable reading,
"So let the lightning come
I cry.
Let it strike and burn
til my eyes do fry."
I think it's 'til my eyes do fry' because the do in there makes it sound, to me, old english style writing [i could be way off the mark] - and therefore a little out of place, but again, that could just be me!
I enjoyed reading this; thanks for entering
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Yes, I understand what you mean. It's a little weird and i've been staring at it for a while but couldn't figure out what to do with it so i let it be. i'm glad you enjoyed it!
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This was great. I really enjoyed it, and the flow was great. Nice use of words. Good luck.
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"ears bleed"
Might want to try something else, that line is a little cliche. -
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Yes, I agree. but i'm trying to figure out what I would be able to change it to because it I change "bleed" then I will have to change "intercede" and "plead" as well...
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So let the wind blow
I plead.
Let it howl and scream
make my soul bleed.
maybe? -
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Wow. I would have never thought of that! Thanks! I'm going to change that now.
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I really love this. I can't tell if it's about life or love and a relationship. Both fit so I guess I can relate to it in both ways. You can't choose when you are to die in a physical sense, and sometimes relationships die before we are ready to let them go, and that also isn't really in our control. Either way this was an awesome write and i'm glad i stopped by to read it.
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wow...this is amazing
i love how u worded this
it is a very good piece of work
=)
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