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she smiled, so i smashed her teeth

 

Save the regret for the sad song

that no one wants to hear.

You were the crying eyes

and the regret that I really don't have.

 

You received the rain,

it was due to hit you any day.

I came to the door you were leaned against,

don't make me say "I told you so".

 

This alley of mistakes and bad men,

you know it all too well.

You feed your face from cancer's well,

as if one plague wasn't enough to

make you feel like hell.

 

Look at her, Miss Trainwreck,

she can't even stand up straight.

The black eyes and cigarette burns

shows how bad her taste in treats is.

 

[They don't want happy,

  they want silent and weak]

 

Author notes

AP Name: Lowercase Prelude

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • ladybug.
    June 23

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    You put my work to shame with this single poem. Such anger, such passion...Even the title is filled with an emotion that ties in with the poem. Great job.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    May 18

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    Spotlight ~



    Whoa ...

    the title drew me in and made me feel an intense anger before I even began the poem and then as I read I found myself feeling unsympathic towards the female in this; sounds as though what goes around comes around

    Excellent!
    ♥
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • etoile
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this, it's written perfectly. this is brilliant and flawless. the ending is so strong, I loved it. I actually have nothing bad to say about this. the imagery was nice. everything was great aha.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    December 8, 2008

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    Bandit Appreciation!

    Thank you for entering this poem into the Poetic Bandit Reading List your participation is appreciated.


    The Poetic Bandits


  • Merry Christmas
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is so full with emotion and feeling. It really touched me.

    I had such a strong urge to cry as I was reading this, the words were just arranged so beautifully and the flow was perfect and I just couldn't help feeling as I read it.

    Not many poems make me think as much as this one did. Questions kept popping into my head and I couldn't banish them. But the most important one, one that I'll have to figure out for myself, is 'Why?'


  • Room without doors gold member
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    This is a strong poem with some vivid images. I liked how you refused to be compromised by their sadness seeing it as weak and feeble. This poem looks at life and won't accept the negatives. Best of luck in the contest.


  • grannyeri gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    There are always those who prejudge a book by its cover; who gloat when they think they prewarned you of the dangers. Liked the flow and the thoughts presented in these lines. Strong and impressive ending as well.


  • Lady Altheia
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm I have read this twice. It must be over my head because i didn't get your point of view. I wish you luck in your contests and best of luck in your future writes.


  • ZachP gold member
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You did something amazing, memorable, poignant and powerful with this prompt. Well deserving of a gold trophy, which best be on it's way to you, dear poet

    Thank you for sharing this with the bandits. 'Tis amazing.

    In His Love,
    Zach

  • ZachP gold member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You did something amazing, memorable, poignant and powerful with this prompt. Well deserving of a gold trophy, which best be on it's way to you, dear poet

    Thank you for sharing this with the bandits. 'Tis amazing.

    In His Love,
    Zach


  • dustookie2
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    I had to go and check out the contest after I read this for the first time. You have taken the prompt and shaken it up with descriptive emotions. A dark one with raw attitude that works very well as you keep the attention through to the end. Good luck in the contest.


  • Kathleen a Nazarene
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Dark Tale!

    So sad & so real! You write this like a short story with very vivid detail & language! All the best in the Contest! The entire write was fab but if I had to pick a fav part it would be:

    This alley of mistakes and bad men,
    you know it all too well.
    You feed your face from cancer's well,
    as if one plague wasn't enough to
    make you feel like hell.

    Powerful stanza! Seems to sum up the whole poem for me!



  • samantha jean
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Look at her, Miss Trainwreck,
    she can't even stand up straight.
    The black eyes and cigarette burns
    shows how bad her taste in treats is.

    [They don't want happy,

    they want silent and weak]" - My God this ending is so powerful. I loved this piece, it felt painful, sarcastic, haunting, and brilliant.
    Great write.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sad is this write

    Often we see the shell of the person before us and judge from the first sight .Unknowing of the horrors she has lived each and every night . The young so often inflicks self pain to survive .To push away the memories of such pain they lived each night . Be not judgmental to those who are lost today ask yourself can you help them today .Look beyond the scars and bruises and the drugs and alcohol and know though your persistance they also can know friendship and love .To bring their world to a place of meaning to settle their soul and finding in time they can trust again from someone who was truly concerned .
    Hidden scars often people dont know about in time comes to the surface as self abuse to block out the memories that haunts them each day .How can you befirend them and show them the way


  • movedon
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow

    I was not expecting something this...amazing with this title. I was expecting something humerous or something..but wow. The last 4 lined stanza is my favorite! Holy crap...so well done!!!!!!!

    ~Mylee


  • movedon
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering! Your title is

    "She Smiled, So I smashed Her Teeth"

1 - 20 of 20