A week's vacation's all that's passed,
And yet the days already bore.
Time that ran a few weeks back,
Now seems to sleep and snore.
Funny how the times have changed,
How holidays are fun no more;
The house feels empty, still and strange
Despite the souls within its core.
My heart is filled with longing now,
Filled like never yet before;
My college, quiet, waits far away,
And I wait silent at my door..
A contest entry
- Holidays Depress You?? by aboomer.
700 points, ended December 4, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Like it? Please comment!
Comments
-
Full of good emotion - and so true....sometimes, the time seems to drag over the holidays. It's sad, but aging seems to take the fun out of holidays, at times....
Ok - constructive critism, I hope......I feel this would read smoother if broken up into verses. The 'period' every couple lines pulls one to a full stop, which breaks up the flow - only my opinion; and the flow is off in a couple spots - I think if you read this out load, you can hear where the meter changes. Also, repeating words break up a flow -
Maybe something like this:
'A week’s vacation, gone and past
so sad, the days already bore,
as time that ran, not that far back,
now only seems to sleep and snore.
It’s funny how the moments changed
and holidays became a chore,
the house so empty, still and strange
despite the souls within its core.
My heart is filled with longing now
full-up like never yet before,
my college, quiet, waits for me
as I pause silent at my door.'
(just my thoughts - hope they help)
Thank you for your entry
best wishes in the contest
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