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lost in plain sight



magical words
played like notes
from a solo saxophone
billowing at sunrise

on Bourbon Street

like some kind of beautiful loneliness
falling upon the space
between distant lovers
like the leaves
after a frost

like grains of sand

built into a castle
melting into the tide

a passionate duet, singing their song
dancing tango's seduction
the tempo hushing

to a soft cascade of snow
on this sleepy street

where I hum

and waltz with my shadow

Author notes

option 2

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • melphleg gold member
    December 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think the sax is the sound of loneliness. I am reminded of Dan Folgelberg's Old Lang Syne where the snow turns into rain and you hear a lonely sax playing as your mind pictures the scene and feels the loneliness. You've created a similar picture in the setting where a scene like this should be on Bourbon Street.


  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This has a quiet, peaceful quality that I find in many of your poems. You have a way of elongating sacred and peaceful moments that is very rare.

    Hope you're holidays are going well so far.

    Mark


  • CaliOkie silver member
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    where I hum
    and waltz with my shadow

    What a powerful ending. Very impressive. I love the imagery and atmosphere of this one -- I hear the sound of your shoes sliding grit over the concrete -- like metal brushes over a snare drum.

    Excellent.

    Garrison


  • jazzcat gold member
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I am stunned by this piece. Your words flow perfectly, the rhythm enhances the mood and gently pulls the reader along. There is romance in the framework of your writing and feelings that go beyond the surface.

    '
    like some kind of beautiful loneliness
    falling upon the space
    between distant lovers
    like the leaves
    after a frost'

    This is my favorite part, but the whole piece is beautiful. I'll add you to my favorites.


    • michellemybelle gold member
      December 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for reading so well into my words and for adding me as a favorite. I will drop by and read you too!


  • SummerlandRayne gold member
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You amaze me with your imagery. I always "live" your poems. I love that!


  • Dalaney gold member
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Where I hum and waltz with my shadow...."
    oh, i do love that line Great ending to a
    wonderful entry poem. Thank you so much
    for this. Love, Lane


    • michellemybelle gold member
      December 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, great contest! I enjoyed many of the entries. You always inspire with your poetic mind.


  • hawkeslake gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a floating, lyrical, suggestive poem, with a touch of New Orleans, and the seduction of the tango. This is really lovely. A great read!


  • Peteskid gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is soft like a snowfall anf the sounds of a jazz horn on a quiet street... an idea that stays with the reader... wonderful...PK


  • WordsAndWits
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So touching! Very colorful imagery! My favorite stanza/lines :
    "a passionate duet, singing their song
    dancing tango's seduction
    the tempo hushing

    to a soft cascade of snow
    on this sleepy street "
    Thanks SO much for adding this pretty poem!

  • icebear
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Season's of change

    Now ,I had a porcelin statue of those two. Happy as can be , they did'nt have a care in the World.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Softly passionate

    Somehow I don't think you could ever be...lost in plain site.

    I like the way you wrap this up with the last two lines, a comfortable image.

    Buddy


  • Confusedboy
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhhh delightful read as your words float across the page, creating thoughts and inner feelings. Very nice to be lost in plain sight, with shadows of my mind. As a boy, used to play with my shadow, thinking I could trick it, or lose it. Thanks for the memories.


    • michellemybelle gold member
      December 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your kind comment. I was tickeled by your comment, about playing with your shadow, I had forgotten, I used to do the same! Thanks for reminding me.

  • jerellesgurl
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    beautiful


  • poppa
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    awww I'll waltz with ya wonderful... love this write.. and I must get myself to Bourbon street too

    • michellemybelle gold member
      December 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yes my friend, you must get to Bourdon Street! Thanks for your kindness.


  • PerVirtuous
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful. Impressive.


  • thejollytinker
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Could expect lyrical poetry from an obvious Beatle's fan... No kidding, with the flow and the similes- this is exceptional.


  • Endeavor gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    like some kind of beautiful loneliness
    falling upon the space
    between distant lovers
    like the leaves
    after a frost

    Beautiful metaphores in the work
    lovely thoughts
    with a touch of sadness

    Beautiful
    like the author

    Rick


    • michellemybelle gold member
      December 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Rick, for saying excellent and beautiful, both are great words!

      Michelle

1 - 28 of 28