Living, 'tis a silent sleep,
So easily is it shattered,
Yet so often life is battered,
Leaving the world to weep.
So remember this, my friend,
Treat earthly steps with gentle hands,
Do not tug their silky strands
And bring their beauty to an end.
Comments
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Softly, these words creep and realization dawns...
The opening line so apt to those who breathe without seeing, feeling, OPENING.
That is captured in a single line. I also found a lovely vision here of the divine feminine as you
give life "silky strands" that call for "gentle hands".
The only part I might want to suggest you look upon again with critical eye is~
Yet so often life is battered,
Leaving the the rest to weep
as "life" is used instead of a metaphoric image and
immediately loses what focus it had when its repeated in the second stanza. "The" is repeated in the same line, an obvious typo and it is very
vague, the use of "rest".
I hope my review is found helpful and encouraging as it is intended. Blessings, Aunt Blue -
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Thank you, Blue. Very helpful. I picked through it, but couldn't find what was causing the abrupt loss of poetic metaphor, and I appreciate that you pointed it out to me.
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