I hate that you are critical
I despise you’re stupid groan
You annoy me when you’re political
I loathe the smell of your cologne
I hate that you ignore me
When I’m struggle to talk about us
You shake your head, to merely agree
To avoid the dispute and fuss
I’m repulsed by the way you drink
You alter into someone I don’t know
I hate the way you wink
When you tell a girl, hello.
I hate you’re crooked smirk
Your foolish choice of attire
When you’re angry, you’re berserk
And you’ve became such an qualified liar
I hate it,
The words you speak,
The things you do…
But most significantly,
I hate the way,
that I’m undyingly in love with you.
A contest entry
- Pissed Love by Hateful Apathy.
2200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 30 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest :D
Comments
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Thankyou for being so critical, I need that! I'd actually like to redo this and have you read it to let me know what you think then, would you mind?
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potential
I could flower you with praise, but I think you want honesty. It is a cool idea, but the last line leaves us all (me anyway) screaming out WHY? Someone with such talent and depth of thinking surely deserves better. You are better than what you seem to be settling for. There are a few spelling/gramatical errors that could be easily fixed (they detract from your message). I think you have talent, but ... if you want your pieces to shine... review them ... a lot, read them out loud, set them down for a couple days, them review theme again. Challenge each word, each phrase, is it necessary. Count your syllables, does it flow? okay, you got me started... sorry I got excited... good work (that I think you can make better) - Kevin
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This reminds me of the poem Julia Styles writes in 10 things I hate about you. I must say cleverer though. Good job
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Wow. Epic AB AB rhyme scheme. Loved it. Hmm, I know some people who you should send this too. They would undoubtfully agree with you.
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