It isn’t only horrible but dull,
too – how predictable your face
looming in the corridor becomes,
how predictable the wires
bending in my fingers, brittling.
And the necessity of turning
and walking back, eyes
hot and glimmer-full of scales
scraped from the backs of gutted fish
that never know how to stop staring.
Even if you vanished now
and never came back it'd be too late:
whatever was inside them is already out,
moist and smouldering
in swellings on the shore.
A contest entry
- Pissed Love by Hateful Apathy.
2200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The way you capture the emotion here is amazing. I especially like the first two lines, they just... (sorry am not exactly saying much) basically the whole thing is wonderful. But I'm probably biased as being able to relate to a poem means I tend to like it more.
The "never know how to stop staring" fish metaphor is amazing, too. A really good way of phrasing it.
Also "glimmer-full" is a very good word.
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your comments fill me with happiness, especially when I am reading them instead of doing my english coursework. I am going to go and read your poems now.
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Ooh, this was amazing. I'm glad you're on the finalists list. I have to agree with the other two. The imagery kicked ass. This was rad.
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Aha! Finally a poem in this contest I like.
I like this ALOT. Alot of imagery going on, I like it much, I do. Did Pat add you as a fainalist? If he didn't I am. :]
Great poem.
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Flow is nice
I found it to flow quite nice. So nicely I even stopped and wondered if I was reading it wrong. Hmm, nice visuals should also be noted. Interesting metaphors, or however I should label them. Other than that, nothing else to say. Just take the triple clapper.
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