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Shattered


Detached,
heartfelt regrets sigh loudly
words fall, drifting towards yesterday
crossing the shadows of lost time,
clogging like slate in veins

eternally pain sings, forever afloat,
fragments of life scattered within
disrupted, dreams burst
descending into chaos.

Voids yawn, painting the darkness
a kaleidoscope of ashes
colour chiseled away,

rose tinted glasses lay broken
amongst the remaining debris

lenses now multiply vision,

a consequence of experience.

 

 

 

Author notes

Word bank option. I used the words; Yesterday, Feelings, Words, Painting, Heartfelt, Sing, Forever, Lost.

Just thoughts that came when I saw the word bank

A contest entry

I can see who calls cos I'm nosy, so be nice and comment.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Reptile Lady gold member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you Pink
    I love the feelings that you have penned in this darker write that paints so many thoughts
    Best wishes Sis
    Julie x


  • mysticstorm gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Damn! I live in rose colored glasses for a reason, which I think you confirmed...never to let them break!
    Strong imagery and metaphor, so very lo0vely...
    Best,
    mystic


  • lunarlunacy
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love that closing stanza (even if I stuck with John Conlee in my head all night now LOL)
    nice use of the bank, keep em comin.


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I will be nice on you
    I came here by accident
    But I didn't regret one second of it..

    I loved your poem...and sometimes I think a wordbank can bring the best out of us...well..out of you

    XXJeannette


  • kiwigirljacks
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Rose coloured glasses always get broken don't they! A stunning use of the wordbank hunny.. felt the dreams dying here!



  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    how did i miss this little gem here, i wonder, but this is seriously golden, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest

  • Fritz O skennick silver member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow Pink, that was intense...

    Flawless flow, great descriptive narrative & an emotional depth that was positively haunting...
    Felt it, lived it, loved it...
    Well done!!!
    Good luck in the contest...


  • Steffen Loic gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Love your intense emotion, but may be able to condense.

    I've never been fond of 'ing words, so please keep that in mind. Feel free to use anything I give ... I will not feel offended if you use none ... my likings are usually different from that of the authors I comment.

    Sooo here it be ... weeeeeeee!

    Detached,

    heartfelt regrets sigh,

    words drift toward yesterday
    across shadows of lost time,

    clogs like slate in veins.

    Eternal pain forever sings affluent fragments,
    life scattered with chaotic dreams
    devoid of translator.

    Voids yawn, painting darkness a
    kaleidoscope of ash,
    distant colour chiseled away.

    Rose-tinted glass feelings, broke
    amongst the debris,
    lenses multiply visions-

    a consequence of experience.

    -----
    Again, love the emotion you've mixed into the poem, it paints images in the mind very well!

    Good luck in the contest!

    s~w


  • Broken Vow
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Voids yawn, painting the darkness
    a kaleidoscope of ashes
    colour chiseled away,

    for some odd reason those lines really spoke to me. i loved this poem. great write and nice job on the inspirations!
    SD


  • maralisa silver member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aw wow hun a briliant poem with some delightful imagery and powerful depth of emotion good luck inthe contest maralisa

  • Bella-
    November 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome work
    Best wishes in the contest
    Bella

  • aboomer silver member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job on that word bank! Love your wording and images! I especially like,

    'words fall, drifting towards yesterday
    crossing the shadows of lost time,
    clogging like slate in veins'

    and also really like how you've ended this,

    'rose tinted glasses lay broken
    amongst the remaining debris
    lenses now multiply vision,
    a consequence of experience.'


    Well done!! Best wishes in your contest.

1 - 13 of 13