Soap water stings the paper cuts I got when I reached
my hands into your mouth looking for words.
I am washing dishes barefoot in November,
picking your teeth from the bottom of grimy soup pans,
your fingernails from wine glasses stained
and smudged with my own fingerprints.
Underneath the pear tree
there is a doghouse consumed by weeds,
a fence post black with rot.
You stand silent and remind me of empty boxcars,
wide doors swung open,
the familiar scrap of banjo strings,
laughter like sandpaper and soot.
There is a secret budding underneath my tongue
I told to my mother when I was seven.
I spit it into my palm
and hold it like a frantic bird.
The walls here are the same stucco
as that bedroom where she birthed me.
When I touch them
I feel a spark like death
and know
this is how I was conceived.
Author notes
inspiration: my username
I should think about it more often.
A contest entry
- pineapple lumps; invite contest! ! ! by notorious.
1209 points, ended December 31, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i'm just not up to par
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like it.
But what a wild ride! I felt like a tennis ball being slammed back and forth from one image to another. Good write.
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I know what you mean about "clever", but sometimes the word just seems apposite; at other times, "clever" just isn't good enough to cover the process of creating something.
I read through this, enjoying each image, wondering where it was going. I came across your brief note, and read the poem again, my eyes a little further open.
I ought not to approach such a spontaneous poem in such an intellectual way - forgive me.
It is good, very good.
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I didn't get a notification that you entered the contest,
but I'm so bloody glad you did
But, I did just check your page, so it all worked out.
"my hands into your mouth looking for words."
Oh I love that; there's a weirdly raw beauty to this line...and 'looking'; I love that you choose that particular verb and I even like that it's a gerund. You didn't choose a more pretentious word like 'seeking' or w/e...you have the best diction because it always hits hard.
"There is a secret budding underneath my tongue
I told to my mother when I was seven.
I spit it into my palm
and hold it like a frantic bird."
!!! That's SO good.
I think "There is" sounds really good, as opposed to 'There's' (I like contractions a lot of the time, but in this case, the separation was awesome).
The next 3 lines following that
are fucktacularly good; seriously, I could die rereading those lines.
"a spark like death"
Electric phrase and simile; I adore it.
"and know
this is how I was conceived."
A clever ending!
Thanks soooo much for entering
;
Jessica
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I really dislike the word "clever". It makes me think of limericks and magicians pulling rabbits out of hats..... Is the ending really clever? I'll have to change it if it is. (woo. four two letter words in a row.)
This is one I wrote without thinking about what I had to say, just doing it.
My user name is actually a derivation of my AIM user name which was created by picking two random words that I liked together from a poem I wrote when I was fifteen. Man. I've had the same account since I was fifteen. It might be time for a change.... (ps. Irony: I'm pretty sure it was a pretty awful poem.)
Anyway, thanks for your fantastic comment as always. And thank YOU for inviting me.
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I like the word 'clever', actually.
I also like magic and bunnies,
but I didn't mean 'clever' in that context, LMAO.
Nice story about your username
I have more embarrassing usernames and e-mails, but you don't need to know them (rest assured, they didn't have 'angel' or 'baby' in them, thank god).
You're welcome
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This morning I remind myself of an empty box car but your rich images are filling me up.
I'm no one to offer constructive criticism but I do know this was my first read of the day and a damned good one.
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