As I watch the last leaf from the tree float gently down to me,
I close my eyes and fall asleep, as I slowly start to dream.
Whithin my dream I think of you, and all that we can do,
I think of walks and picnics in the parks.
My nose twiches as I slowly begin to wake,
As my eye gaze upon the almost frozen lake.
I take in nature and everything around me,
As i listen to all the sounds the birds make.
Little did I know that you were standing near,
As i think about him you think about her.
I arise from my tree and slowly you walk towards me,
you kneel to the ground and say carly marry me.
And from this day on when i watch the last leaf fall,
I will think of you and all that your about.
Author notes
to carly and alex
In a list
A contest entry
- I feel so alive by samantha jean.
1200 points, ended December 13, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show me something. by morgana raven.
900 points, ended December 30, 2008, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
is it good?
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
Sounds like a wonderful dream....
-
good
this is an alright piece. The imagery you created through the choice of words was amazing, but i got a little tripped upo on the scattered rhyming. I am fairly new to poetry so that could be why it stood out to me, but it was a little distracting. overall you have written a beautiful picture -
-
thank you and yes ik it can be confusin at points
-
-
AWWW this is sooo sweet.. I love the imagery here..
""And from this day on when i watch the last leaf fall,
I will think of you and all that your about.""
I found this really touching!! -
-
thank you
-
-
This is a great write. I noticed that "whithin" should be "within" and I was a little confused on "As my eye gaze upon the almost frozen lake." Should it maybe be "As my eye GAZES" or "As my EYES gaze" perhaps? Just a suggestion, otherwise great piece! I liked it alot!
♥ Kathraina -
Wow. I loved this. It was really sweet, and I like your rhyme and descriptions.
I especiall liked: "As I watch the last leaf from the tree float gently down to me,
I close my eyes and fall asleep, as I slowly start to dream."
Nicely done
-
Awh this is a sweet little poem XD
But you missed some capital letters and also, half your "i"s are capitalized and the rest aren't... you decide to leave them all small, or capitalize them all... cos of continuity
Thanks for sharing,
Shelly
x -
And from this day on when i watch the last leaf fall,
I will think of you and all that your about.
i really like this ending, i thought it was really sweet, and i like it because it links back to that start as well.
Thanks for entering.
Laura -
I always have the deepest respect for people who write in rhyme since I fail every time that I attempt it. lol
A very romantic poem.
I agree with the other people who told you to capitalize the 'I's and the name 'Carly'.
Anywho,
Best of Luck in the Contest!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year too!
- Aly
-
This is so romantic and sweet. Its a beautiful poem, and a great dedication
Lillie
-
An exquisite poem! Its one i read through a couple times just cause its amazing!!! Such a beautiful story that you told. Great job!
-
This really tells a captivating and beautiful story, simply written and delivers the emotions behind the piece very powerfully; great write
-
How precious! I hope this is true
2 things in the last 2 lines - fall should be falls and your is actually spelled "you're"
other than that, golden piece, love! -
I is always a capital letter, even if it is half way through a sentence.
Your name should have a capital C, Carly.
Jenny -
Wow, wow girl!!! This is a great write, actually captivated me all along its lines. You've shown great talent and great improvement in this poem. Really, really enjoyed this.
Keep writing, sweetie.
~Noor
-
-
*hugs* ty
-
-
This is beautiful
What a read you have here I love it and its so loving of two with nature and ones self very good
-
-
thank you
-
-
really enjoyed it nice one
-
-
thank you
-
-
I love the imagery here, but have a few suggestions, which are all very minor. First, please change the font color, because red just hurts my eyes. Also, I like how you had a few couplets in there, and I think it would be better if you made all of the two-line groups into couplets... maybe try rewording the lines to make them rhyme. I like the emotions here, so delicately expressed through imagery, that is very well done. Good poem. shya
-
Very great imagery here. I enjoyed this, very original.
Good luck in my contest, and thank you for entering. -
-
Thank you, so i did this right?
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
