I believed that truths were just
lies in disguise and raindrops were
more than just god crying, they were
metaphors for the worlds pain.
from the very beginning when I first
asked my mother where rain came from,
and when she told me god was crying
because the world was ugly I wanted to help.
I wanted to make the world beautiful.
I went to Cuba that winter and I gave a little boy,
younger than me my dinner because he looked hungry.
it rained that night and I cried.
god didn’t like the idea of me
helping I guess. either way,
the world could never be
beautiful with war and poverty,
and I could never be beautiful with
my eyes closed tight to fight off
the pain of the world.
In a list
A contest entry
- ohh jeezz by written-in-ink.
550 points, ended December 10, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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the end is so sad
but i love this i really do
wow
great
i love how you always win my contests
<333 -
Critically, I think that some lines need a bit of reworking on where to end and begin, places seem to full to me.
Its an interesting piece though, quite sad -
a true song.
this was beautiful
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"either way,
the world could never be
beautiful with war and poverty,
and I could never be beautiful with
my eyes closed tight to fight off
the pain of the world."
So very true =]
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It has to be one of the best, welcome to the finalist. But moreso- thanks for sharing your poem.
I truly felt a deep connection from these words.
SweetJane
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thanks
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Even if we try to ignore it, the world just won't go away. This is a very beautiful poem, and I love the story it tells.
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This is really powerful. I like how you opened up with the first stanza and the idea and story here is a real personal one, but one that many can relate to. One of the most touching pieces I have read in a while. Nice write. Best of luck in the contests with it, it should do well
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something about this really grasped my emotion
very nicely written, keep it up! -
Wow that was an interesting take on it. I always thought rain was His tears and snow was His dandruff! haha... but i seem to like your ideas in the last stanza better. its very deep and beautifully said. Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC
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omg...this was beyond amazing
this tugs at the emotions
and it's so very well penned
excellent poetry
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I went to Cuba that winter and I gave a little boy,
younger than me, my dinner because he looked hungry.
awkward commas lol.
I wish you made this longer, the idea is beauuuuutifullll.
<3 -
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i really really like it too, but i couldn't think of anything else to write once i got distracted
♥
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