In search of loves pulsating sting,
she walks a rhythmic dallaince,
for it is her dream to wander,
where fair the zephyrs cool caress,
softly brush her tendered plume,
discern her sweetness full and gorged
forage deep within her main
that lays refined upon the meadow
sublime and free to give herself
to all that pass with needs,
enjoy me while you may
for times not mine to ask.
TC
A contest entry
- The Enchanted Forest-adults only by JinSays.
404 points, ended December 2, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any feed back is always helpful
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very nice
Flow to this poem, a gentle and lovely write. Very good indeed!
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I really liked this write. I like where you took this prompt, and I love the story behind your words too.
Excellent work, thank you for taking the time to enter, love,
jin
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Thanks so much
I really enjoyed writing this and want to thank you for making it.
TC
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This is a beautiful write. It is very sensual, yet suttle, at first glance I really didnt pay much attention, but after really reading it, I understood. You have alot of coma's in the begininng, but hardly any at the end. (I personally think there are way to many to begin with, but maybe its just me) I really enjoyed this piece.
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Thank you so much
Thank you so much for reading this and for your comments on the comma's. I don't usually use them but this time I did and wish I hadn't. Im grateful for your comments none the less. regards
TC
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Great use of metaphor and imagery. Bravo!
Mariana
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Thanks Mariana
Thank you indeed for your time and thoughts.
TC
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Wonderful
A nice, and interesting take on the prompt..only thing I'm wondering about is all the commas you used.
to me it seemed a little unecessary, but that's truly only an opinion, otherwise I love this.
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Good question
Great question as I'm in totaly agreement, they weren't needed but when I'm typing my fingers just go on their own.
I apprecaite your coments and the time you took to read it and let me know what you thought, thanks very mucg.
TC
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sweet, gentle, and giving...very nicely penned my friend, all the best to you in the contest.
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You are to kind
Thanks Patty, very much. How are doing.
TC
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I adore this write. So gentle. Good luck in the contest
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thank you
Thank you so much for your comments, I really do appreciate them.
TC
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Any thoughts please
Y9our thoughts and views, please.
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