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Female Messiah

A hammer strikes, a blow in thunder, born
by man's sadistic needs, courses in bite
of wood to iron to flesh in dire duress.
The driven wants find core of Christ center.

In dawn of lasting pain screams the woman's plight.
As echoes sound through valleys dying, crown
will sit askance on pauper's pained betrothed.
The world in bloodied rage trembles aghast.

What strength, what faithful courage issues proud
from complex found redeemed in quarts of red.
What's shed for souls that sinned in reason's pride,
and comes to know its goddess, death comes slow.

As head does drop to chest her final words,
a whisper, "Mother, please forgive these men."
as spirit flies to regal heaven's queen
to once again know arms of divine love.

Author notes

Risk taking and controversial, I don't expect all to like it.

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Nam
    April 14

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    "The driven wants find core of Christ center." -- this reads off to me, mainly the part "wants find core", I think you could rework that part a bit to be more coherent, in context.

    Other than that: a nice poem that you have written here.

    -Nam


  • Symphony
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    oh my goodness -

    all relgious beliefs aside, and ignoring any controversy that this might cause, my goodness me [i was going to say my god and then realised it mightn't be wholly appropriate ] -

    this was so VIVID; i don't know how you did it, but the wording adn the imagery completely brought this poem to life; i was moved beyond words while reading it - and wouldn't dream of suggesting any changes either ... just ... wow!

    thanks for entering


  • Progandother
    January 16

    Edit | Reply
    ...this one's rather interesting...as far as my religious beliefs go I have my own religion/belief which no one else would truly understand because I deliberately look at it very complexly...what I enjoy about this poem is that I can't really put my finger on something in it...if I remember what it is I'll tell you...the whole lyrical meaning of this poem reminds me Sopor Aeternus (maybe you haven't heard of her but he/she is a transexual German who creates very atmospheric and dark music...constantly referring to gods)...I enjoy the high amount of words...some at which I didn't know how to spell until I read your poem...I seem to get something else out of it every time I read it...a hard quality to get in a poem but if you master it you'll go very far...so well done...

    p.s. I apologise that I haven't added on to the contextual and semantic meaning that much...I think below it has all been said...

    Oliver


    • Dark Otter
      February 6
      Edit | Reply

      You gave me a great critique!

      I was happy to be part of this contest. There was a lot of talent gathered here. Congratulations, on the result.


  • ASmileForYou
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good poem. It draws the reader in right away and keeps his/her attention. I'm glad you shared it! I loved reading it!


  • Redrusty66
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write, excellent flow and meter and great subject matter. Great vocabulary usage and construction. You left ample room for reader interpretion and personal perspective and was a piece worthy of pondering. Thanks for the great read!


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great stuff!!!

    Compelling descriptive narrative, rhythm & flow...
    Great use of imagery & pretty unique in its subject matter as to captivate throughout...
    Well done!!!


  • Bosiarbooger gold member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well done sir

    So we meet again nice job on your poem and I think your right about its popularity, but I thought it interesting and well written. As always best of luck to you, Boog


  • HatedLoveDieingRose
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    this poem is so good.. its emotional, and painful. i loved it..


  • redhanded
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow XF I love this piece thanks so much for your entry I greatly appreciate it.
    best of luck 2 you in the future and with your writing.
    andi
    (redhanded)


  • DragonBlue gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    An editing note:

    The driven wants find core of Christ center.

    I think you meant:

    The driven wants to find core of Christ center.

    My personal reaction and thoughts to your poem:

    I loved it. I thought it was very profound and inner searching of your own soul and what you see happening ilo the paradigm that is painted for the masses vision to see.

    I have often thought that Christ was the feminine aspect cut out by the one Judea/Christian God that has purged the world of any compassion or nurturing kindness.

    The old testement God is an asshole, an overbearing, control freak that bet the devil a dollar that Job could not be led from his faith, even if all he held with love in his heart was cruelly taken from him.

    The new testment with Jesus as Lord, God is a doormat. He turns the other cheek, and offers his heart to the sword without a fight when led to the slaughter.

    Jesus was a Jew. A very conservative Jew. He was also a rabble rouser who spoke out against the pharisee and the money changers and power grabbing greed. He vehemently confronted bigotry, hypocracy and hatred. He died for doing so by speaking and teaching his truth in a world that did not accept disagreement to the controlling theological patriarchal society of the time and region in which he lived.

    Women have suffered and still suffer greatly due to the wide spread belief in this book called the Holy Bible that has been held as sacred truth.

    Without the Roman Empire and the Ceasre to inflict this religion on the rest of the world, Christianity, in my humble opinion, would not have persecuted and claimed as many innocent victim's lives and souls as it has and still does.

    I still have a difficult time dealing with all the blood that has been spilled and carved onto the sand in the name of Jesus Christ, God and the Holy Spirit. It makes me physically ill to think that there is such a word as 'holy-war'.

    Rome survived many things for thousands of years, and it only took a little over four hundred years after converting to Christianity for Rome to fall. And fall it did in very ugly ways.

    As will we, when we let the extreme right wing of our government legislate morality and control our spirituality, thoughts and lives. IMHO, Dogma is a very destructive force in this world, and needs to be questioned at every turn in the trail.

    However, this is only my humble opinion. Write on my friend, write on!

    Blessed Be~
    )O(
    db


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    November 30, 2008

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    ooh this is amazing dearest! I love this so much, i must say that image is simply seductive and your poem is wonderful, I adore it! your a great poet.
    love!~
    kitty ~


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Risk-taking and controversial, yes... But that's why I love it! The best poems are written when we, the authors, dare to colour outside of the lines, and I love the concept of a matriarch, rather than a male deity. Very well done, and thanks for entering!


  • lunarlunacy
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    YES YES YES YES YES

    oh the perils of patriarchy

    very well done Otter, and great pic accompaniment as well (I have seen similiar but not quite as bold as the one you found, spikes and all .. love it)


  • Draig aine gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hmmm

    reminds me a bit of the Christ core from an Edgar Casey point of view, I am sure the Goddess is pleased


  • Bella Cullen
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As head does drop to chest her final words,
    a whisper, "Father, please forgive these men."
    as spirit flies to regal king and queen
    to once again know arms of divine love.

    i like the last part. and in all honesty it sounds like your version of the Cruifiction of Christ, although in this Christ is a woman. (i can't spell lol..need to learn to.)

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