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Autumn Leaves

On the far side of town
The music that was so loud
Has been replaced by silence now
As Autumn leaves quiver on their boughs

As Autumn leaves quiver on their boughs
There is only the sound of my feet
Silently on the tarmac black street
There are none hither; none left to meet

As Autumn leaves quiver on their boughs
There is no more time now
For time has been overthrown
For it has nothing more to know
As Autumn leaves quiver on their boughs

- The Last Man

Author notes

Written earlier today.

Feedback (criticism) is always good and appreciated!

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • Lowell Poe
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Superb !
    Just really mellow....
    conveyed a real feel of a ceremony that has come to see the light of the cold hard day.
    The repetition gears in well to the entire piece.
    No finer comment have I received that was so complementary , thank you brother.
    It is valued ten fold knowing what an exquisite poet you are.


  • just mercedes gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good poem - can't really criticise. I like the refrain line, and the placing. The rhyme is OK, the flow is good.

    In the second stanza, last line, I wonder if 'no-one' would work instead of 'none left'. In the last stanza I would eliminate the 4th line, and change 'time' for 'music' in the 3rd. Just my ideas though, you're welcome to ignore them.