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???

I have this posted on quizzila.com I was bored and sad/mad when i wrote this and i know it sucks!


People aren't understanding
They think im demanding
But soon they will see when I start thinking
And my life starts sinking
Death is demanding
They should be understanding
Death is my way to be free

Can you give some feedback

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • LionessK silver member
    November 30, 2008
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    welcome to allpoetry

    Such a sad feeling and thought you have written here. Even more sad is how many others would be able to relate to every word.
    As for the poetry side of this... I don't believe you need all the commas. The line breaks are enough in this write. You did well finding words for this feeling. I hope that writing it out did help.
    Keep writing and enjoy the site.


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    November 30, 2008

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    Welcome to AllPoetry

    Poetry is theraputic and trying to get feelings out we can't otherwise express. I don't think Death is the way to be free. Welcome to AllPoetry.
    Lady Altheia
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