Our last summer at the lake
Memories of it now ache
I'd like to put on the brake
Go back before this mistake
Watch the boats, their gentle wake
When the whole world was awake
And life was there to partake
Just a summer by the lake
Maybe this whole world is fake
By the beach I'll soon awake
If I don't, I may soon brake
Author notes
Form: Monorhyme.
My family went to Sebago Lake every year. The last time we went there as a whole family was in July of 2008. My sister went to the hospital in August, and died in there in October. Some of my best memories are of being at that lake, epecially now, since they're some of the last ones I have of my sister.
A contest entry
- Poetic Form: Monorhyme - Prompt - Water by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended December 28, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
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I think that it is great that this poem reminds you of your sister. The rhyming couplets however let you down, as your need to rhyme every line takes over from everything else in the poem. If you told of your lost of of your sister in the poem instead of the notes this would be a truly great poem.
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Thank you for your entry
I am sorry for your loss. At least you have the memories to comfort you. The lake can be a wonderful place to be. I enjoy lakes and ocean view myself, they can be very peaceful and tranquil. Nice job on the form. Your rhyme scheme did not feel forced and flowed well.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
Nice try...
too much rhyme for me, also...last line is break.
But, good images..
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Humm..just a wonderful rhyming you did to make the poetry a meaningful ventrue and the thoughts with in it... a wonderful sharing as well..well done...
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