Undeserving

                              Grab them by their dirty hair,
                              throw them down the cellar stair.
                              Throw them down,rags and all,
                               shoot em in the head,
                                blood spatters the wall.
                              Then drop down a rose or two,
                       A taunting bit, breaking up the gloom

just so all can be shattered again

A contest entry

the nameless wonder by Immortal Obscurity. 400 points, ended November 29, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think?

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
adolescente
April 4
Edit | Reply

dark. depressing. i love it.
AllLoveIsGone
December 6, 2008
Edit | Reply

holy shit that is so fucking kewl
Immer Leben
November 28, 2008

Edit | Reply

I like this.
Except...
Line numbers 4 and 5 rhymed.
But after that, there was no more rhyming every 2 lines.
Instead of an AA, BB rhyme, it turned into ABAB.
But then at line 9 and 10, it went back into AA, BB.
So that's a little confusing to me.
But I like the poem very much.

And there should be a space between the comma and the word 'rags' on lime 6. 'Throw them down,rags and all,'.

Nice write. =]

And goodluck on the contest.

~S~
Why-So-Serious
November 28, 2008
Edit | Reply

this is the dude that wrote this thing. just so you know, i changed the text and ending.hope you like it!
samantha jean
November 28, 2008

Edit | Reply

A very strong piece, however the last line is very weak.
Good write besides that. Good luck in the contest.
Sky Prince Ireland
November 28, 2008

Edit | Reply

Hmmm. I will admit I'm not too impressed with the ending of this poem but still I think you did a good job. You certainly have your own creative way of self expression and it really shows. Thanks for sharing; good luck in the contest.
Brian