razed by inches & dreams

by a pale flame forget yourself

again-

peer beneath your agnostic
bones
[ the one that wants you to believe

& the one that want to believe in you ]

pry apart the smallest tendons, stand
in delerium at the pyre,

as senses are cremated under promises
& palms.

you must, but only lightly,

note how distances flicker & fail beneath the burning
cloud

as charcoal residues
trace patterns from who you were

into those of becoming
something like this

Author notes

Better than last effort

Edits: 3

In a list

Honourable Mentions • next in list

A contest entry

Teach Me to Wear Fire by Heart Sutra. 1000 points, ended December 1, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

Comments

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Heart Sutra
December 1, 2008
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Wow! this is excellent.
stasis
November 28, 2008
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This is so amazing...
I don't even know what to say. I love this.

♣ Tegan
ArtFullyMe
November 28, 2008

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love that opening line....

I'd lose all of this -

{peer beneath your agnostic
bone
[ the one that wants you to believe ]
pry apart the smallest tendons to marvel}

leaving it like so...

by a pale flame forget yourself
again-

in delirium at the pyre,

as senses are cremated
under promises & palms.

because I love the pyre after the flame..

but that's just me playing with your words...

there's a wonderful sense of transformation in this, the phoenix in a subtle form... without an overt sense of falling..