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Worn Slippers

“You should have seen the world before it died”
With arms of green she held us to her breast,
she gave us love and promised to provide;
with skies above in splendor she was dressed.

She nourished us with fruits of fertile dirt,
we flourished in the freshness of her breath.
She wrapped us in the creases of her skirt
to comfort us in pieces of our death.

Neglected our duty, now she can’t dance,
her slippers of beauty are worn from steel.
Our concrete has taken her soul of romance,
we were mistaken by thinking she’d heal.

I wish you had seen our beautiful Earth,
she was our queen and she'd given us birth.

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: “You should have seen the world before it died”
English sonnet with internal rhyme.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Ithica silver member
    December 19, 2008

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    If sonnet were still used as a form of currency, you would be a rich lady indeed. I have yet to read one of yours that hasn't made me say WOW!!! It still impresses me so much, your ease with adapting them to literally ANY topic!!! Well done... as usual!


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    December 13, 2008

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    You draw attention to a wonderful cause, each stanza here was so breathtaking. Well done and congratulations on your silver trophy. Best to you


  • Titus gold member
    November 30, 2008

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    The fisrt two stanzas were top draw, and where, 'neglected', is mentioned, the discord is evident to show how nature is spontanious, and becomes the changing, like the volta did. the last part I can imagine crumbling concrete, like lost cities. Well done, I did enjoy.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    November 29, 2008
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    Cleverly done, Sis.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    November 28, 2008
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    even in my brainfried stupor, I can see thhis golden work of art shine.


  • chilali
    November 28, 2008

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    You are amazing. A beautiful sonnet. I love the rhymes and the wordings. Best to you in the contest

    Much love
    Ylova


  • paulcreates silver member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amera you have such a wonderfully vivid imagination. I agree with your husband, Mr. Song. S2 is so lovely:
    "She nourished us with fruits of fertile dirt,
    we flourished in the freshness of her breath.
    She wrapped us in the creases of her skirt
    to comfort us in pieces of our death."
    Great work.

    Paul


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 28, 2008

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    outstanding

    A wonderful piece, full of great metaphors and plenty of imagery, I really love this my poetic friend!

  • Papagallo
    November 28, 2008

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    A most enjoyable read. I would replace can't with cannot in line nine. I am one who feels that contractions ruin a poem. Other that i really renoyed our work.


  • Swan song gold member
    November 28, 2008

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    My this is simply stunning!!!

    She nourished us with fruits of fertile dirt,
    we flourished in the freshness of her breath.
    She wrapped us in the creases of her skirt
    to comfort us in pieces of our death.

    This stanza is in my opinion breathless strong and clear in its amage and smooth perfect in its flow

    There is no doubt yo are a masterful Sonneteer


  • And Hyetal
    November 28, 2008

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    This is probably my favorite by you (so far, of course ). Your last two lines are packed full of power and attitude. And the second stanza is probably my favorite.

    Bookmarked!

    ~Cassie


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 28, 2008

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    something to think on, and i can see this being said in some ancient forum being told to many as they sit and listen to the words, don't ask me why, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest

1 - 12 of 12