I want to see you burn
in the fireplace
where we kept warm.
Entranced by the flames,
crackling
and the charred wood,
glowing
with a slight hint of blue.
Reminds me of your eyes.
I want to see you there
in place of the wood,
your skin melting
up and down
your arms
and your legs
resembling the bark,
rough and black.
I can imagine your distorted face
with your eyes widely opened
into tunnels of spinning waves,
your mouth twisted
into a cave
of screeching bats.
Sounds like music.
I want to see
every shred
of your clothes burn
while you squirm
in the light
of my revenge.
Your eyes blue
as the flames,
your skin rough
as the bark.
It makes me smile.
I open my eyes
to see you lying next to me
half asleep
I find myself disappointed
as I slowly wake up
and realize you breathing,
alive again.
Author notes
6. the mind of an abusive husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend or beats family
rainbows and butterflies 
this is a prewritten poem, and, even though the prompt is the mind of the abusive one, can it be the mind of the abused one?
A contest entry
- In The Mind... by HereComesTheSun.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Hate You by Still Gonna Shine.
700 points, ended December 30, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Love it.
This is a brilliant, brilliant, inspired piece of poetry. You start strongly, continue on strongly and still manage to end with a bang. This is just fabulous. You paint a wonderful picture, it flows well, has a great rhythm if you read it out loud and uses graphic language to get across your point. It's powerful, and (oddly) beautiful. I love the way you compare the (man, I think) to the fire: that's inspired. Just a brilliant, brilliant write. I love it. (Have I said that enough yet?!)
Sarah -
Love it.
This is a brilliant, brilliant, inspired piece of poetry. You start strongly, continue on strongly and still manage to end with a bang. This is just fabulous. You paint a wonderful picture, it flows well, has a great rhythm if you read it out loud and uses graphic language to get across your point. It's powerful, and (oddly) beautiful. I love the way you compare the (man, I think) to the fire: that's inspired. Just a brilliant, brilliant write. I love it. (Have I said that enough yet?!)
Sarah
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Well done
I was going to enter this contest, but I have realised that i'm already out matched by you. Every word rapped me with hate. I didnt get a shiver down my spine, more like a water fall of ice.
I love this!
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The opening line "I want to see you burn in the fireplace where we kept warm"... That's just a really powerful line! It stings... but I loved the way you used it...
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and the charred wood, glowing with a slight hint of blue. Reminds me of your eyes.
this line creeps me out i mean great showing of anger but i didnt really see the reasoning behind it what lead to the thoughts and every actions has a lead no matter how twisted a person may be. but positively showed a story and creepy craving for death and vengeance
an amazing shiver down the spine write
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