Right here it was
softly broken.
It's now gone
I think
forever.
A contest entry
- just 12 words by Lavender Butterfly.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any images/ feelings?
Comments
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By the way, this is Jeri, using an old account besides almostthesea. I was going to delete everything here and got side tracked by other people's poetry. I almost took a poetry class this semester but couldn't because of my schedule. I don't know how to rate poems on this website anymore?
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I think I like this because it's sparse. Like a wandering line on a sheet of paper. Like a barren tree. I like this because while it feels empty, it is heavy. It is vague, but not frustratingly so. It is applicable to other persons, like myself. But since I know you a tiny bit better than the next random thing behind a computer screen, it makes me uncomfortably worried. And also curious, because you could be speaking lightheartedly of something else, something smaller rather than grander, and perhaps that's the trick and you are just being funny.
The impact of "It's now gone / I think / forever" is enormous - the lines sort of fall over each other, its tone is mildly childlike not just because it is simple, and sometimes things are better said with childlike ease in the English language because it has a certain and strange taste. Sometimes it is more comforting and less pretentious, like this poem. I read this with a reading-inside-the-head voice that pronounces all of these words with a clear and subdued brightness, with a crispness in the 'k's of 'broken' and 'think' - a voice that trails off because this poem seems to do so. I feel almost like it's perfect because it doesn't try so hard, it doesn't stumble over its million letters, it doesn't cram too much into such a brief amount of space. It is small and large. It is soft and far away. It is white and echoes like an old dream.
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sadly expressive... x
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