I met him on a warm autum day,
There he took my breath away,
I thought to myself he could be true,
Something wonderful bright and new,
But then the love I felt inside,
Became the nights i'd rather die,
He told me many times over and over,
That his love was like the luck of a four leaf clover,
But to my suprise he can't love as deep as me,
He gave me strength and then took my serinity,
I tell him every day to show me his true heart,
And then he packed up and drove me apart,
Eight states away at his job he said would miss me so,
But can you get the hint the stupid side of him began to show,
I kept telling him be honest and show me that you care,
But he would rather be selfish and spend christmas up there,
Now I have never been the one to give a hoot,
But for some darned reason I figured It would be better if I just gave him the boot.
A contest entry
- Pissed Love by Hateful Apathy.
2200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me what i can do to improve?
Comments
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I liked the flow. Pretty rad. Definently had something to do with the rhyming. That was good.
Sometimes guys are just so damned retarded
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Did you kick hard?
Nice AA,BB,CC... rhyme scheme. Hmm, I liked the ending. Showed him.
I was hoping for something brightful when I first started reading it, then I remembered what contest this was. Fat Chance. Ha ha. (That was a joke 
)
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