Shattered now at the lowest low
Not knowing the reflection staring back
A stranger who won’t speak her name
What horrible secrets does she keep?
From within her mirrored world
What truths would she speak?
If her mouth were not covered with shock
Shattered now at the lowest low
Not knowing the stranger who is reflected
A million reflected eyes now stare back
The shards of glass let the crimson flow
If only she’d just speak her peace
As she silently reflects back the stranger
Shattered now at the lowest low
Not knowing the stranger looking back
Asking her to leave this vile dream
While her mouth remains clamped in silence
Wanting to know why she came to haunt
Shattered now at the lowest low
Knowing she cannot say a word
For she is only just a reflection
Of a reality which seems quite askew
Begging for her to finally be set free
Bring back that old familiar reflection
For she was a the face which we all knew
Shattered now at the lowest low
Seeing only the stranger reflecting back
Trapped in the mirrored world
While wanting only to be set free
A million reflected eyes now stare back
Shattered in a million pieces on the floor
Author notes
prompt: eyes/mirror
this is not about cutting, it's about shattering your mirror cause you don't know your own reflection. i have recently developed some body image issues due to loosing a bunch of weight and wearing contacts instead of glasses. i don't see myself the same, and people treat me differently which only validates the feelings of feeling different.
i am experimenting with adding stanzas, and i honestly think it needs to be more polished, so be honest, i assure you i won't snap unless you're rude
A contest entry
- Something a Little Bit Different by SomeGirlYouKnew.
1200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
help me fix it, please?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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It s a rude shock to see that person for the first time and saying to yourself... "Who are you?"
I like the repitition of the line "Shattered now at the lowest low"
Definately keep that.
Keep it going!
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I can somewhat relate to this write
I spent a long time in a deep depression and even longer taking medications to ease it...
then, when eased off the meds, one day I looked in the mirror to see someone I didn't even know looking back at me
It's been a few years since then and I can still see that reflection vividly. It's what keeps me sane I think, keeps me from that edge.
A very poignant, wonderful write.
s and best wishes always... ~Genie~
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Okay, Dusttiger. I thought this was a super write with incredible strength thrown into the mix. I read your notes and you talk about losing weight and people treating you differently. Love, i wish i had your problem. I suffer from hypothyroidism and cannot lose weight that quick and will be on tablets for the rest of my life. I use to be slim once until this developed. Be thankful that you are healthy. Your write was so sad that you could not stand looking in that mirror. Honey, you need to love yourself more. You are a wonderful person and if that is your picture on the page, you are very pretty and have a fantastic smile which is what i noticed first when i saw it. People will always notice a smile. It speaks of your soul. Your poem speaks of confusion and sorrow and the wanting to be as you were. Sometimes as you were is not that great. Give it time, sweetie. You are a wonderful person and i think your writing is superb.
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two of my best friends have thyroid issues, one had hers removed (later discovered she didn't need it removed), and the other went from having the fastest thyroid her doctor had seen to storming, to being regular, so i certainly do understand the problems that you have with your condition, along with many health problems that i never realised were related to their conditions, so i can somewhat understand the issues you must be facing
i know that i am very lucky to be healthy, and i have seen my doctor about the issue because i never had body image problems before i've always been proud of who i am inside and out, what it really is is that i am most comfortable when i am hiding and that's a lot easier to do when you're overweight, because i lost weight to feel healthy and avoid medical problems down the road the other things associated with it really threw me off completly
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hmmmm, this one really makes you think. Very good, a little reduntant maybe, but sometimes that makes the poem, depends onwhat kind of effect you want. To me it felt like an on going maxe in which one looses yourself completely.
As for how your feeling, if you've lost weight and that's what you wanted no worries. As long as your healthy and keep it that way. Thanks for sharing these thoughts to ponder. UNT
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This is a great piece and a beautiful write. Many people can relate to this. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.
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Very sad, but well done. Although it is not fair, people see the outside first and many pass lasting judgements. I myself do the same, but it is smiles. If a woman does not have a warm smile, I don't care what her body is like.
Mike
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A tough one. This write reminds me of looking at old pictures and feeling like that wasn't the same person at all.
All the best.
jjj
Fix? Maybe edit a bit for length. Just a general comment.
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It's really good. I think it came together very well. It has some really good discriptions in it and makes some very good points. The wording is great. I like the way the first line in every stanza repeats to emphasize the meaning of the poem "Shattered now at the lowest low". Excellent poem.
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You broach a very serious subject with this.
It's a subject that torments millions every day.
As far as form goes, the only suggestion I have is to pare it down, eliminate words you think can be left out. Think of it as distilling. Keep removing what you don't need until you have what you want.
The message is powerful, a little revision will just increase its impact.
Well done.
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I like your depth in this - I think so many people look in the mirror and wonder who it is that is staring back at them. Other people just avoid looking in mirrors.
We all are so vunerable - to things around us, to ourselves. We don't always see in ourselves what someone else can see, and it makes it hard sometimes to understand.
I like this - the repetition I don't usually like, but in this write it seems to help emphasize your emotion.
I especially liked,
'Shattered now at the lowest low
Seeing only the stranger reflecting back
Trapped in the mirrored world
While wanting only to be set free
A million reflected eyes now stare back
Shattered in a million pieces on the floor'
Nicely done! best wishes in your contest.
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this is pretty interesting. nice job with the repitition.
thanks for entering my contest ^_^ and good luck!
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