you confess that when you were little, you tore petals off of flowers because they were beautiful and they needed to see what pain felt like.
you pressed them under car tires where they would never be found. you tore wings off of monarch butterflies and littered the concrete with them, so when you looked down, dizzy from vodka and vertigo, the clementines, creams and chocolates swam before your eyes like a tiny sliver of another world.
the day we meet, you call me beautiful.
---
heat spirals off the pavement and i spin, draping myself in ribbons of summer. your car is parked beside the road and we lay in the warmth of the grass as you take all of me into you. my heart thuds and shivers and i close my eyes and kaleidoscope images of you burst behind them. when you catch me staring at the sky, i say i want to defy gravity with you, someday.
you say, "i think it's time to leave."
---
we lean our elbows on your kitchen counter. they are sticky with vanilla extract, with candied apple and peach sadness and blueberry love. you have always been taller and i have always been two years younger and we will never forget. i give you a cookie that’s shaped like a heart. you smile, and hand me a cupcake decorated with snowflakes. cold.
---
i find a tiny ice-blue lake on the edge of the freeway, surrounded by rings of trees and moonlight. i take you there one night, and the water and i both ache for your touch, but you dangle your feet absently above the glass-smooth silver surface. i sit beside you, my feet completely submerged. autumn caresses your cheek and slips down your throat. you tap the water with a toe, a butterfly, and watch it quiver.
i don’t look at you when i ask, "what will happen when we die?"
the reflection of the lake dances in your bland brown eyes.
you look at me. "we die."
---
your little brother pulls me into your basement playroom and sits down on the carpet. he digs tiny fingers into a basket and pulls out building blocks in colours that hurt my eyes. we build two towers – him leaning back on one hand and using the other to pile blocks haphazardly, and me stacking them precisely, ensuring that the structure won’t crumble. his falls first, exploding into a rainbow of plastic and paint. he claps his chubby hands and giggles. my building stands tall and straight, and i can’t help but let out a tear.
"why are you sad?" he asks.
"i have nothing left. i can’t even break anymore."
---
we lay on your bed, my head on your chest. music falls softly from the speakers and hovers around our heads. i time my breaths so that i breathe in when you do, because i want to teach my heart to beat like yours. i'm almost asleep when i feel you stop rubbing my shoulder blades and your lungs stop inflating.
a tear slips down your cheek and falls silently into my palm as you whisper, "i think you need to go."
"why?"
you don’t look at me. "you’re beginning… to feel too much like home."
Author notes
i never know when to say goodbye.
In a list
A contest entry
- under a floorboard world by stasis.
600 points, ended December 11, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one; [&my weakness is that i care too much♥] by innocence jaded.xx.
1200 points, ended January 18, 48 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompt Potpourri Preliminary - Rounds Contest. Auditions. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
400 points, ended December 29, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pretty much ANYTHING goes. by etoile.
825 points, ended January 11, 43 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Year by Bean Sidhe.
1350 points, ended January 3, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - & you're covered in the lotion that was inside of me; by forbidden-colour.
520 points, ended January 14, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favourites or people who have me on theirs. [prewrites] by ladybug..
700 points, ended August 16, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bullets in your Smile by Fallen Under Light.
400 points, ended November 14, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I was yours.
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Speechless.
*eyes bulge out of head.*
FFFFINALS.
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we lean our elbows on your kitchen counter. they are sticky with vanilla extract, with candied apple and peach sadness and blueberry love. you have always been taller and i have always been two years younger and we will never forget. i give you a cookie that’s shaped like a heart. you smile, and hand me a cupcake decorated with snowflakes. cold.
- that's my favorite part.
Whose this by? I want to fav you.
You're amazing! -
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haha you can't recognize my older stuff can you?
my writing has changed a lot over the past year. -
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I just messaged you. But it's funny because as I read I was like, 'Aanika's writing' and then I thought your AP name would be in AN and I'd be like yea I was right, but then I was like oh maybe it's not her. And I was like wait is there' someone else on this site wo writes as amazingly as she does?
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awww, thank you. <3
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i started crying at about the second stanza and haven't yet stopped. i can relate to this piece so well and it hurt to read the words but it's nice to know someone else has felt that way.
the last line hit the hardest. -
I feel as though my heart has just been crushed and my soul ripped away from me.... this was fantastic and so so sad. I love all of it, how it was a bit disjointed and randomly composed from different scenes, the ending, the descriptions, the emotions. This was fantastic. Very well done.
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I don't even know how to comment on this - this is one of the best entries that I've read yet on this contest, it was like reading a novel condensed into prose and left me both longing - and speechless.
I think, my favourite section, was,
"I give you a cookie that’s shaped like a heart. you smile, and hand me a cupcake decorated with snowflakes. cold."
I mean, that was so disjointed at the end and it worked MARVELOUSLY!
Did this take you long to write? I admit, I'm curious!
Thank you so much for entering
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again, incredible.
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A magnificent piece of prose
Your emotions and your imagery were penned very well and I hope that one day you will find a relationship that DOES work out for you. -
i honestly enjoyed reading this. it slightly eases the pain of being a blank slate right now.
the imagery, the emotion, the everything was amazing.
thnx for entering
♥
dani -
Holy ass - I never commented on this?
I'm sorry. :C
I think this is one of your best.
That introduction is quite something and the way it ends with "the day we meet, you call me beautiful." It seems to imply that 'he' likes broken people...which in a strange way, is a really gorgeous thought.
"reach up into the sky and pull down a lemon star and bite it into quarters."
At first, I wasn't sure whether I liked that, but I've decided that I do. There's something almost whimsical about this thought...I really like "lemon star" because it's an acute image and it doesn't feel "random" - like, lemon = yellow = star = makes sense (I hope the crude way I've broken it down isn't kind of demeaning to such a nice phrase, but yeah). As for "bite it into quarters" that makes me think of when a new piece of paper signifies a new start where you swear to yourself you're going to "write neatly". Separating something. Breaking something. Ruining something...or not.
"peach sadness and blueberry love."
That was a bit much, but if there's a fruit theme going on...I guess it kind of works. I didn't fancy it much. I like the phrases themselves, but not the way they were used, if that makes sense.
"cold." <==genius. If I was going to be monosyllabic, I'd want to be this profound.
Man...the cupcake is a bloody antagonist. :C
You're so smart.
"you look at me. ‘we die.’ "
Yesyesyesyes!
... actually, that's how I feel about death too...I feel almost broody now, but I really did adore that line.
I don't always like the dialogue in your poems because I feel it's too pretty to actually have been said in real life, but that ending:
" ‘you’re beginning…
to feel too much like home.’ "
That is terribly genius.
Overexposure can cause some weird things - an aversion to sandwiches, the end of a friendship, a relationship...
have I ever mentioned
that your profile picture is absolutely gorgeous? You're so pretty you make ugliness so much more apparent in well...
oh, and I liked this poem. A lot.
And I'm only commenting on it now. :C
;
Jessica
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Wow, this is amazing. I see you like to write long poems too. Congrats on your golds that you have received for this piece. I can't wait to read more of your poetry.
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"you confess that when you were little, you tore petals off of flowers because they were beautiful and they needed to see what pain felt like."
Mind blowing start, childhood guilt, like stepping on a snail, very innocent.
"you tore wings off of monarch butterflies and littered the concrete with them,"
Such a vivid image, brilliant in only a few words.
The entire last stanza enchanted me also,
Another brilliant entry from you, aanika.
And you are only 15?!
Thank you for entering!
Finalist.
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wow i adore this.
the third stanza and first stanza are my new favs lol
and unless i'm mistaken i think you made a tense mistake o.O
'we lay in the warmth of the grass' .. should it be lie? cause everything else is present.
if i'm right i'll be gloating about this for the next 5ish minutes lmfao.
anyways i can't find anything wrong with this. i love it.. maybe a bit more than violet girl currently o.O dunno why :S
or they're both equally amazing and beautiful.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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"you tore wings off of monarch butterflies and littered the concrete with them, so when you looked down, dizzy from vodka and vertigo, the clementines, creams and chocolates swam before your eyes like a tiny sliver of another world."
you come up the most original, sophisticated images. i love it.
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speechless.
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Ugh, this is soo beautiful. I want to read everything of yours and then some. xD
You're probably my favorite on here, you turn the simplist things into something beautiful and rare. Like it never happens in all actuality, though it does all the time. It's really amazing.
Loveeed this.
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"you confess that when you were little, you tore petals off of flowers because they were beautiful and they needed to see what pain felt like."
I loved that line, I loved this whole poem but ecspecially the first stanza. It was so thought out but natural at the same time.
your imagery is always so real and original. You take objects such as building blocks and mold them into something more. I'm jelous
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9.8/10
Yeaaah, you already know my opinion on this one :] It was brilliantly penned, and I love how you worded everything. Welcome to the finalists♥ -
so your piece 'black and white galaxies' is the only piece i have bookmarked on here, but after reading more of your work, i've decided to just favorite you rather than bookmark pretty much everything you've written. thanks for sharing such beautiful, sweet, and sometimes wonderfully tragic works. can't wait to read more of your work . best wishes and thanks again for sharing such great writes!
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Those last lines left me so breathless... It feels like everything you've written here is perfect, and will shatter if you touch it.
I'm bookmarking.
~Cassie
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awww, love. this is amazing :] you're an incredible writer, one of the best on here. this poem completely portrays your talent for writing. i love the images and emotions you convey throughout the entire poem.
-your little brother pulls me into your basement playroom and sits down on the carpet. he digs tiny fingers into a basket and pulls out building blocks in colours that hurt my eyes. we build two towers – him leaning back on one hand and using the other to pile blocks haphazardly, and me stacking them precisely, ensuring that the structure won’t crumble. his falls first, exploding into a rainbow of plastic and paint. he claps his chubby hands and giggles. my building stands tall and straight, and I can’t help but let out a tear. ’why are you sad?' he asks. ‘I have nothing left. I can’t even break anymore.’
...
that definitely has to be my favorite. i can't even pick a line out of there that i liked the most. i can relate to those lines 100%, and i seriously had to take a deep breath after reading them. you're amazing, doll. don't ever stop writing, mmkay?
♥
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You're my favourite writer on here. You have this way of turning the most common of notions into the sweetest, most delicate things. Thanks for the read.
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thank you so much.
you have no idea what that means to me.
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Oh wow. This is crazy.
The beginning was perfect.
It's just like.
-gasp-
o:
I love the setup.
Great job.
Second stanza was a beautiful image.
I love the idea of a sunsetting in the grass, in the summer.
It's just so... perfect.
Minute detail, but:
’why are you sad? he asks.
I noticed you're missage a second appostrophe. x: haha.
Not a big deal.
The last line in that stanza was great thoujgh.
"I can't even break anymore."
I know how that feels.
Wow.
The ending was great again.
I love your work, Aanika. You don't understand how jealous I am. >.>
This was fantastic.
Beautiful.
Perfect.
gahhhhhh.
Once again, nice job. <
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I 100% love this The imagery, descruiptions, and details are amazing! I loved it how in the first fragment, you anticipated his coldness to you, saying what he did to beautiful things and then how he said you were beautiful. Also, I'm left wondering if you speak of two people here, or it's just that the "he" becomes a different kind of person and turns into "you". I'm bookmarking this...
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thanks so much
wait i'm confused,
when did i mention 'him'? -
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huh, you're right
I just read it that way. In all fragments except the last.
That is SO odd
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lmao
it's okay lol
it happens to the best of us
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"you confess that when you were little, you tore petals off of flowers because they were beautiful and they needed to see what pain felt like. you pressed them under car tires where no one would be able to find them. you tore wings off of monarch butterflies and littered the concrete with them, so when you looked down, dizzy from vodka and vertigo, the clementines, creams and chocolates swam before your eyes like a tiny sliver of another world."
When I first read that, I said to myself "that's fucked up." Then I saw the end of that segment and I began to tear up.
I kept reading, and it took me a couple of tries to finish it, because my eyes kept becoming blurry from my tears.
The ending makes my heart feel like those flowers and butterflies.
-Mary -
I say I want to defy gravity with you, someday. you say, ‘I think it’s time to leave.’
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my building stands tall and straight, and I can’t help but let out a tear. ’why are you sad? he asks. ‘I have nothing left. I can’t even break anymore.’
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first stanza & last stanza
... those were beyond words, amazing and beautiful.
i love the metaphors, the imagery EVERYTHING.
the last liens hit so hard.
this is amazing.
wow.
one of your best, for sure!'
i love this.
♥ -
... wow...
Aanika, there are no words for this, honestly. I love it, it's so sad and beautiful and just... wow. You completely re-vamped the prompt for me.
I love this.
It's beautiful, and so are you.
Best of luck sweetie.
♣ Tegan
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