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Chronicles of Life

I grew up in rows of houses ending in graveyards,
where six feet of dirt covered

the mound of my existence
and failure arched every single doorway.

Depression draped the windows
with patterns stitched
by poverty’s unapologetic hand.

The futility of language lacing its voice
with abject grief and guilt;

Expression left to moan its desperation,
yet unable to communicate its plea.

While eyes lost the blue of horizons and hope--
blindness welcomed

as agony’s twisted comic relief.

Emptiness has a way of filling up
and spilling over, consuming;

 

Until all that remains is a chronicle of life
lived too painfully in reverse,

 

and the screaming sheathing of despair

mummifying the entombed...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

POM
Theme - How the desperation of poverty provides the chronicles of a life, while language remains unable to articulate its plea for help and the depths of such a life's, despair.
This in part was inspired by the Mumbai, India attacks. It is said that the targets where westerners, the reason economics and the extreme poverty in a city of 17 million.

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • mum2jay
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I think I'm gonna...

    ...add you as a favourite

    I especially love:
    "Emptiness has a way of filling up
    and spilling over..."

    This poem hits home for me.


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations on the Bronze Cup!!

    This is a very thought-provoking piece; bringing to mind the horrors of life in a war zone, the concentration camps, and the time of the earth's far-reaching plague. Yes, poverty is a tragedy. Thank you for sharing your thoughtful poem with us. Wishing you all the best.
    &
    xx Cyn xx


  • bird at rose
    December 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You gave the situation attitude

    Feel the shakiness here when you've seen hardship around, but now worry suffocates your own watchfulness, enswathed like another casket. Stanza two illustrates interestingly, collapsed emotions, as dark as leaving the curtains on all day; and now the meaning in that is harsh ... trapped even more. I think "Expression left to moan its desperation, yet unable to communicate its plea" shows the intensity, continuing to dream opportunity and not just lay around.

    My favorite lines, "Emptiness has a way of filling up and spilling over, consuming" just blew me away by your real phrasing. This isn't a joyful remark of supply, rather underlining the negativity. The overflow becomes drained and forgotten, only thinking about evaporating the pain left in the jar.

    The ending smacks me raw, like I were living in the unstable 'tradition' almost, so bad it's masked to look as death, shriveling needs.

    Gave an intense picture of ache, going everywhere,
    Daisy


  • aboomer silver member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations! Knew this would be in the top and keep me on my toes....lol


  • Skybow silver member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on your Bronze. You put the despair of hard life in your lines. Great job!


  • BeautifulFlame
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello and Welcome to POM!

    Hello and welcome back,
    I must say this impacted me to tears. My heart goes out to the people of Mumbai and others who live in poverty.

    I was moved for i have been there not by surroundings but circumstance.

    Drugs and addictions in my former marriage of 20 yrs left me in these lines if i may qoute you:


    "The futility of language lacing its voice
    with abject grief and guilt;

    Expression left to moan its desperation,
    yet unable to communicate its plea.

    While eyes lost the blue of horizons and hope--
    blindness welcomed

    as agony’s twisted comic relief. "


    A time i would like to put in my past was when i had a guest over and they wanted to see my basement ...i couldn't stop them but i knew what they were gonna see.
    Two month worth of trash piled to the heap rodents running around.
    I just stood and weeped ...my ex never hauled the trash off or paid the bill much less any other bills.
    I still stuggle but my life has changed drastically!

    I have not much to critque on this write.
    my scores will be up at finale judging.

    Best regards,
    ~Lisa~



  • Floorboards
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hullo and welcome to the POM,

    I thought this was beautifully written, with great images, very stylish. I don't think there is anything to critique really, as i've said to a couple of others, the ending never exactly blew me away but this will linger long in the memory because it was so emotional and relatable to me,

    very well done and good luck to you,

    Floorboards.


  • Arkbear gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hey Bunny

     

    The ONLY thing I can really find to *critique* about your entry, is the common Theme which I have seen so very many times....especially here on AP   .....and a few commas I would have utilized to sloooow the Reader (me ) down, so we can absorb all of this genius write ~

     

    However, you have penned this Theme with depth anda voice which sings the blues, yet stands tall upon its' own feet and screams for attention ~

     

    You are up against a fw really good writes......you have brought out your best quill and it shows ~

     

    Lasting Impression may be hurt a tad.....but when I look back at your Title, I will have no doubt it will ring clear once again -

     

    I applaud you for taking a common Theme and approaching it with dignity and strength ~

     

    Your grammatical choices play a HUGE roll in the intensity of this write.....very well done my Friend......good luck and God bless you,

     

     

    Bear ~

     

     

    Title   9.0...I would not click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this Genre....however, it does fit, and it fits well -

    Flow  9.85....not bad at all....a few more commas to slow me down for Tone -

    Depth   9.45......watch out for that balance of *Show & Tell* -

    Theme 7.45...Nicely chosen..but not as Creative as I look for -

    Feelings   9.45....I was engaged in your personification and subject ....but wanted more in the Creativity department....-

    Grammar   9.65...I enjoyed your grammatical choices.....such a beautiful Poetic Voice you have shown today -

    Presentation 9.95...breaking up your S*'s in a 20 L allotment is nice....keep it up!-

    Uncommonness  9.6...a tad common, but very unique approach! -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.25...I did ponder....but looking for more Creativity -

    Ability to follow Rules  10 -

    Bears Score:  93.65

    Nice job Bunny

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~


    • Cupcrazy gold member
      November 30, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Bear glad you enjoyed it although of course I have to disagree on the theme and the show and tell comments. I used a lot of metaphor in this piece and thought it definitely was a ponder effect and not a tell piece, I layered compound and complex metaphors as such so that they lent a duality to the work and a deeper level of depth. As for the theme well I tend to write things with meaning that effect me. Of course these contests are difficult to judge exactly what will find favor as so much is based on the personal preferences and to what will appeal to them. What is bread to one is a meal to another so to speak. But as always your opinions are appreciated and taken into consideration. Good luck with your judging and with all the future PO contests. Hugs, Bunny

      • Arkbear gold member
        November 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Hi Bunny

        You would not be Bunny, unless you disagreed with me....I applaud you for that

        However, personal preference has nothing to do with how I judge....as I have given extremely high scores for common Themes in this POM, as well as other PO' Contests.......go figure.......it is not in the Theme so much, as How, the Theme is delivered.....I hope you come back again and keep me reading your great work,

        Bear ~


  • islekine gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha and Welcome to POM!!!

    Not sure where my comments went...so I will start again. This is wonderful and almost perfect!!
    There was something bothering me...it's the way you started out in first person then went into a beautiful poetic flow...check this out:
    Rows of houses ending in graveyards,
    six feet of dirt covered
    the mound of my existence
    failure arched every single doorway.

    I only took out five or six words...and
    it flows better with the rest of the poem...IMHO
    Best wishes in the contest and always!
    My scores will appear in final notes...



    • Cupcrazy gold member
      November 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comments and suggestions, although I would not remove the first person as even in your version the "my" denotes first person, and I do not think the flow is hindered by it. I wanted the piece personalized because although it was inspired by the Mumbai attacks, it is still a personal piece as well, I am pleased that you enjoyed it nonetheless though. Hugs, Bunny


      • islekine gold member
        December 1, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        My version DOES...that was my point...lol

        You still get the idea across....in a more poetic form...
        just MHO....Best wishes in the contest!
        Write on!


      • islekine gold member
        November 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        I think my score will reflect just how much

        I enjoyed your entry! Best wishes again!
        write on


        • Cupcrazy gold member
          November 30, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Thanks so much, it is the best feeling knowing your work is enjoyed


  • kaibab silver member
    November 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    forgot these

  • kaibab silver member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The human condition is such a paradox...we are free as bird to wing the wind, yet such a captive race to plunder...flesh to fear and soul-filled spirit...our tears to prism every sunrise...powerful images my friend...


  • Ryno
    November 29, 2008

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    Bunny, this is just ingenious. The emotion and the imagery and the metaphors work in harmony perfectly to make an amazing affect. You really drew me in, and shoved feelings down my throat. I was overwhelmed with despair!

    This is brilliant. You are an artist.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad message conveyed within your words. A beautifully penned piece. Good luck in the contest


  • michichoeret
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    very depressing
    what turned me on was the graveyard mention at the beginning.
    when I was really little my mother used to take me for strolls in a nearby cemetary

    she thought it was nice
    so did I till I screwed up there also
    she always saw hands coming out
    to pull in bad kids
    and I never did-too slow I supposed

  • aboomer silver member
    November 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Loved your wording and images of such a sad situation. Great depth in your descriptions made this a pleasure to read, while still leaving the under-lying message of poverty to seep its way into the thoughts.

    best wishes in the contest.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I thought that this was really sad it is such a problem today so many suffer and should not I will never understand how in America the land of plenty there seems never to be enough . Anyway thanks for sharing good luck best wishes always be well.


  • FifthDove
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very profound idea behind the curtain of despair weaved in these words. Unless lived, one cannot fully understand the everlasting scars that cause darkness to the heart and spirit. Yet… life experience can and does articulate unity when the birds of the same feather meet. Love the poem, very deep and thought provoking.
    Miss and love ya sis, Cindy

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