The incessant lightning flashes oer’ the rumbling purple sky,
the deluge of falling raindrops reflects the brilliance on high
the ominous crunch of a falling tree succumbs to lightening’s ire,
exposing all the tenuous roots, that took many growth years to aspire.
The banks of nearby rivers proved to be unable to prevent,
the hell bent raging torrent to flood where ere’ it went.
To all the houses on each side, the nightmare was complete
the level of sewerage pollution rose above five feet
parked cars were most vulnerable and were washed into the sea
the river mouth was like a littered car regatta or deserted jamboree
reminds me how overnight our garden wall collapsed, how odd?
the insurance company wouldn’t pay out said “It’s an act of god”
A contest entry
- cristmas by hugs and kissies.
400 points, ended December 21, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fall Apart (reopened) by JinSays.
700 points, ended December 6, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4 Options (PW allowed) by Rhythm Child.
400 points, ended January 18, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompt: AMAZING FANTASY PICS! by Rinoasis.
700 points, ended February 27, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want all poems about RAIN by Atrus.
1000 points, ended September 21, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I love the pacing of the lines here, how the sounds and syllables of the poem musically carry the reader to the final line. With that in mind, I might consider putting a comma after the "out" in the final line and reworking the line, "the level of sewerage pollution height rose above five feet," which is a little cumbersome as is. Otherwise itreads well and thank you for sharing.
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Nice work although a bit hard to read with the background.
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Thankyou for the entry
keep writing
Rhythm Child
(Billy) -
I really like this poem. There are misspellings:
Succumb
aspire
No bid deal really, I still liked your poem.
The banks of nearby rivers proved to be unable to prevent,
the hell bent raging torrent to flood where ere’ it went
Love this line.
Thank you for taking the time to enter, I really love the prompt poem, and I think you have done a great job.
Love always,
Jin
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JinSays
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "The Storm" glad you like it.
I have corrected the spelling errors it reads better now
Best Wishes George ++++ -
Magikal Fairy Girl
Many thanks for your comments on my 3 poems glad you liked them
Best Wishes George ++++
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a storm cool and it surly was a act of go
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