I am Jack's ever failing self esteem.
That little token of self-hatred that
Slaps him in the face every morning.
I am Jack's pillow staining tears.
The ones that give him away when
He denies he feels anything.
I am Jacks masochistic tendencies.
His sharp wake-up call on those nights
He thinks he has forgotten how to feel.
I am Jack's ever impending suicide.
The little twitch in the back of his head
That tells him the end is nigh.
I am Jack's love of life.
I may not be ever prevalent,
But I am always there, keeping him here.
A contest entry
- I am Jack's.... by suzume.
700 points, ended December 14, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
nice twist of the theme at the end - keeps the reader interested after the fact rather than just trailing off.
Thanks for entering. -
This was pretty good. I like how the first 4 stanza's indicate a deeply depressed & f*cked up being, trapped in the wake of a near insane existence...and then how the last one puts a twist on it & explains that the love "Jack" has for life also exists which, though not always apparent, continues to keep him enduring life.
The only thing that put a question in my mind was the middle 2: if he's denying that he feels anything (and believing, since denial can influence us so much..) but also he cuts to liberate his sensation of "feel"...somewhat of a contradiction perhaps? Or maybe you've purposely done this xD
Regardless, good write!
And good luck with that contest thing :]
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