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You might think I'm crazy

You might think I am crazy and probably you're right,

but I can hardly move a web, when it comes in sight.

I have this thing with spiders, I think they're beautiful,

they help me get my house bug free, with their sticky tool. 

Probably you think it's odd, that I am fond of mice.

Those little creatures running fast, I really think they're nice.

We don't set traps that kill them, just put them out the door,

I will accept their nibbling, on my food no more. 

The tiny bats, I like them too, spreading wings at night,

when throwing crumbs of bread, they try to catch them tight.

One night when we were playing, a falcon passed us by,

before we knew, he grabbed this bat, who never more will fly. 

Then there are the frogs and toads, a lovely bunch together,

hopping and crawling the meadows, in greyish, rainy weather.

I treat them with respect because, there always is a chance,

that they will change into a prince and ask you for a dance. 

You might think I'm crazy and probably you're right,

but I do love these creatures, when they come in sight.

Each one has its purpose, in the chain of food

and each one is just beautiful, when you're looking good.



Author notes

*POM contest* nature's creatures who most people dislike.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • BeautifulFlame
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello and Welcome to POM!

    Hello,
    A nice creepy write you have here. lol

    I agree with the others this would be better in story form (prose vs poetic).
    Your theme was very common that will hurt your score somewhat.

    Your lines were long and to drawled out to be poetic.

    Aw, but i do see great talent in your imagery.
    Keep penning and look forward to seeing you back with a fresher style!

    Best Regards,
    ~Lisa~


  • Floorboards
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hullo and welcome to the POM,

    lovely bouncy little poem here, without really creating much of an impact. Good images and thoughts but I want to feel like i've been shot with a spud gun at the end, instead, I was tickled with a quill!... that maybe sounds harsh but I can see your potential, really think about your endings, they can can bump your score up considerably,

    thanks for entering and good luck,

    Floorboards.


  • islekine gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha and Welcome!

    I like your write…but I think this
    is more on the lines of a story with rhymes…
    so in between in my book…if there is such
    a thing…
    All in all it is well done…not uncommon as
    nature is written about a lot…
    But otherwise, a worthy write!
    Best wishes in the contest!
    Write on!


    REMEMBER: NO editing once a judge has commented.


  • Arkbear gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Titia

     

    I have to agree with Starz below....this reads quite like Prose' Tone with a Rhyming flair.....and your Theme is not as Creative as we look for....I am going to guess your score will be hurt by these two points ~

     

    I did enjoy your write, but animal writes are hard to gain favor from my quill, as I have seen so many done before......I am anxious to see how your other Judges approach this Theme

     

    Not a fan of taking your Title out of your first few words.....sorta leaves no lasting impression upon the rest of your write ~

     

    I think....and this is only my opinion.....I believe, your L's are too long and leads away from the Power & Impact which we urge all of the Entrants to utilize ~

     

    Lasting Impresiion is most crucial in the PO' Contests....especially the POM ~

     

    Get your thinking cap on for the POY.....Creativity is how you will win ~

     

    Good luck & God bless you for supporting this contest,

     

     

    Bear ~

     

    Title   6.5...not a fan of statements in title area -

    Flow  9.1....not bad....long L's tend to hurt Flow for me -

    Depth   9.8..enough depth to grab me and not let me go ....very nice -

    Theme 6.45...pretty common Theme -

    Feelings   9.15....I was engaged in your personification and subject, but feeling were lacking a tad -

    Grammar   9.3....pretty straight-forward....looking for a few Mets to hold me in thought -

    Presentation 8.95...all quatrains and end-line rhyme present a Tone and Flow of....huuuuummmmmm....instead of....oooOOOOOOoooooOOOOoooo

    Uncommonness  6.5...common, but unique approach! -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  9.15...I did ponder a bit.....had a smile at the end  -

    Ability to follow Rules  10 -

    Bears Score:  84.9

    Not bad

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work -


  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wll I'm sorry to say I don't like many of the creatures in your poem..lol. Especially spiders, tho luckily my son will take it out side for me, so I can come back in A beautiful piece with some great rhyme. Good luck in the contest


  • aboomer silver member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with you - I love to watch the creations spun by spiders, and I enjoy almost all of the animals you've listed (except I do not like bats in my house!!...lol.....this year, I've had bats and a snake!! they both were put back outside - not by me! - but we don't kill them.

    best wishes in the contest.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have seen a few writes on animals on here but this is unique to me reads like prose IMHO good luck in the contest  best wishes always be well

1 - 7 of 7