"Look at me
Tell me I am not sexy
Tell me you don't want me
Just walk away"
I cry out those words
as you climb on top of me
your hands roming
down my body
you hover ever so
slightly over me
careful not to make me scream
I try to pull you closer
you refuse
so I try to bring myself up to you
you just push me
back down onto the bed
telling me that I need to wait.
if I wait any longer
you will make me late
you come down on me
kissing my violantly
but I enjoy it
you can tell as I begin to moan
I call out your name
over and over again
I feel your hands
rip off what is left
of my clothes
our moans mingle
as we become one
and move against eachother
we lost control
we lost all trains of thought
as we full filled our Lust
Author notes
http://miss-o-photography.deviantart.com/art/Simply-Sensual-Sepia-90915834
i hope i did this right.
A contest entry
- Afternoon Adult Quickie! Interested? by Sweet Impatience.
1000 points, ended November 30, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You hope (in Notes) "you did this right."
From what I read you were out of sight.
We cats really get a blast
Out of humans who do it fast.
Being slow is how to go.
When he's slow, don't say "no."
Make it last a real long time.
We cats find that works real fine.
Tiki Cat
Buy Tiki's Cat Food
"Too Good For Humans"
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A poem filled with raw passion. It is a little unusual in that most poems of this kind are as much about love as that are of passion and lust.
Please never start a line with the word "but" as it is an unnecessary word in most cases as so can be deleted. Lines 11, 16 and 20 are such lines and with the word "but" being deleted, those statements would become more demanding and powerful. In the last line, "full filled" should be one word.
I enjoyed the poem, I don't think I'm too old to remember such occassions with a degree of pleasure. thank you for writing it, fot putting your emotions out there on paper.
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I think that you did an excellent job with this prompt. the only things that I am going to suggest is that you capitalize all of your "i" .. There is one in the first stanza line 2 & 5, stanza 3, lines 1,3,6 & 7. Stanza 4 lines 3,4 &5. Stanza 4 lines 3,4 &5 and stanza 5 line 1.. that's it..
Your poem is great, I really enjoyed reading it.
good luck
kat
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i really like this
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this was a great poem you wrote within it lust and desire as well as want and lil love
you are a great poet you need yo belive in yourself more as well as your work -
I would say that this is raw emotion, and hey, where's the poetry,
only kiddin, yeah, I can see what's on your mind.
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WOW!
this is amazing and very wow! i do not know how to put it into words. the lust and desire! i really liked these parts:
our moans mingle
as we become one
and move against eachother
we lost control
we lost all trains of thought
as we full filled our Lust
they are really good! it shows the desire you have for one another.
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