It is her indifference which
hurts me the most I think
she views my poor attempt to live
with a quiet, calculated contempt
I try to tell her how I feel with verse
the words spill upwards and tumble
out of my mind to lie scattered
and formless on the virgin paper
my mind tries to force them to conform
but my brain seems made of cotton wool
and my fingers are grotesque and useless
she tells me in metaphors that I am
wasting my time and simply falling
into a dark place of my own making
Does she like to watch me bleed?
Everything about her cuts into me
The razor-like wit, the sharp humour,
the double edges of her caustic tongue
Blood flows where my sweetheart goes...
A contest entry
- Pissed Love by Hateful Apathy.
2200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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The first two lines read awkwardly (but then is that the intent?) however after that it flowed in its own way.
I love your use of language/metaphor/imagery, it makes the emotion feel very real. Close to heart actually, this could almost be from the perspective of my current boyfriend.
He's made some real mistakes, and I can't help being cut/down/dissapointed at times, but I still feel horrible knowing how down on himself he gets. The difference is probably that I'm not indifferent (although he may have felt that I am at some point... idk).
It's so frustrating when he has the potential, but not the full self belief you know?
Anyway, great write. Effective at affecting people, and a killer last line.
=> Jess
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My God,
The very last line!!!! Ty, for this!!! For me, this is last night, lonely in an old bar nestled far past it's years. A person I had just met, but will never assuredly... ever for the odds ...see again.
You R a Magician 4 me! Take care always.
Tand.
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beautiful <3
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Beautifully Poignant...
Love the whole poem, Not her vampirish ways, just the flow of the dark drama... Thank you once again for sharing your creative muse's passionate write with us!! 
Peace always, xx Cyn xx 
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the last line superb.blood flows where a sweetheart goes.................
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that was a nice finishing touch to a readable poem at the last there, the ironic "sweetheart". i can see this story as a profile of power: she who loves least wields the power. -openveinfish
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Oh, my, caustic indifference,
cutting deeply into your heart of words...
What a seriously painful condition,
turned to art by the wit you possess.
M-C
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Beautifully written....I can feel your pain. Brilliant!
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Whenever Ray and me had a difference of opinion that resulted in an argument, I would write a lengthy letter to express why I felt like I did because neither of us were listening to the other in the heat of the dispute. He would read the letter and give no response. The passion in my words would be much like that which I post on this site. I never understood why he wouldn't say something. For sure I asked. His response;
"repetition, I hate it!"
Indeed, the "indifference" is usually rooted with the same words, complaints, aggression...so, why have we yet to fix what's broken?
A very sad but thought inducing work of poetry here dear friend. I over-stand, and therefore think you may be in need of a big ole
I wish you the best in the contest.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Oh. Ouch. This hurts. Most unfortunate when pourings from the heart are not recognized.
I have lived here with a love who laughed at my verse thinking me nothing but a silly romantic...
I don't live with him anymore...
Well done.
~Pamela
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Blood flows where my sweetheart goes...
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ouch! you last line put me in the mind of a line from an old song..only different..
"love grows where my rosemary grows and nobody knows like me"
good piece.
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Neat.
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hey, i usually have a lot to say about a poem when i read it, but this is an exception for some reason. so i just wanted to let you know that i like it and that you were really good at metaphricizing the situation (and no i don't think that's a word)! can totally relate, almost
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no edit suggestions (:
this is perfect.
sad but perfect ):
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The last line was damn brilliant I think, pretty much my favorite ending ever. As for the scattered thoughts part, and your grotesque fingers, I can relate. Bravo.
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Sad that the person that should be the one to lift us up and encourage us is so often the one that cuts us off at the knee. Well written.
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Indifference hurts more than anything except ridicule, Yet you have made a lovely piece of poetry. Very well done indeed.
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John
It's not as bad as running out of cigarettes now, is it?lol
At the risk of losing yet another acquaintance in Australia, what I think you need is a joke to cheer you up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An American is visiting in Rome, and has made the acquaintance of an older local Italian gentleman at a bistro and shared a glass of wine on sundry occasions.
The night before his returning to the states, they have a bite to eat and a drink.
"Johnny," said the older gentleman, " I think that Italian architecture isa the best in the world, what do you think?"
The American replied, "I totally agree with you, I've got rolls upon rolls off film of photos of the buildings and churches to take home with me."
"Johnny, I love the Italian food. My opinion isa no food canna a compare, what do you think about it?"
John replies, "I think you're right, I must have gained five or six pounds in a week!"
"Now Johnny, vera serious, I'm Italian, and I know a 99 ways to a make a love to a woman. How many do YOU know?"
To which John replied, "I only know one way, the man on top and the woman on the bottom."
The Italian gent jumps up from his seat, slaps the table and cries out, "Mama Mia.....one a hundred!"
HaHa
Feeling a little better no doubt?
John
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"the double edges of her caustic tongue"
Powerful, I know this hurt all too well. You've made it beautiful with your words, though. The writing is sharp-edged and brutal, and reflects her character. This is one of my favourites from you, I think.
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Nothing hurts more than indifference and ignorance and silence...this one carries a lot of pain within it - and so well-expressed.
~ Nicolette
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painfully excellent
tumbling words out of your mind on virgin paper
great image
also razor like wit and caustic tongue are great wordings
and the way you descrbe it she most probably loves seeing you bleed
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Great opening stanza and then a slow trip into a hell "of your own making." As I read this poem I feel lilke I'm getting lethal injection without the tranquilizers. A feeling of total hopeless pain. Good write
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this is definitely painful...and so heartfelt...and written so, as Lane stated, 'superbly'...I love;
'the words spill upwards and tumble'
gives me that feeling of spiralling. Great penning
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I think you cut down to the quick with this poem. Superbly written. Love, Lane
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So emotional but so good!
Sometimes we can't have the love we want this is when we have to learn to let go and find peace somewhere in life.
Loved this poem
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This is painful.
A detailing of a relationship of alienation, sad and damaging.
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ouch! your words flow like the hurt of blood grown cold...inner sadness sees the pain and yet just watches it flow...excellent and winner wrote all over it
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Ouch...this is painfully so here C
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Speaking for all of us, I see. Very, very nice piece. Now, if only I were to know who you be. Hmm, I shall find out soon enough. But until then, just accept the anonymous applause.
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