Welcome to the main attraction,
everyone you know has had one.
The light that warms up your face,
as you sit down in your place.
The program has just started,
your wisdom is imparted.
Soon you can see more
tales of luck and lore.
AND NOW HEAR THIS.
We pause your bliss.
An image we must invoke,
a message shrouded in smoke.
Be afraid of what you see,
and never look too deeply.
You must always trust the set,
and swear you'll never forget.
THIS JUST IN!!!
A new cereal has just arrived,
you are safe and sound inside.
The time has come again,
to enjoy commercial sin.
Do you get it? I like critical assesment as well as any thoughts. Thank You.
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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You seem to write about someof the things I've thought about. That's nice to know.
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Holy Crap!!! You make the televison seem like an evil monster that is out to kill us all...lol...I like it...definitely a great write with some humor as well as some dark truth...
Kittyom
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Thank you for the comment. I'm really glad you liked this. The dark truth is there for us to see and if we are aware of it then it's less power they have.
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Haha wow this is strong satire. It's such a hypnotizing little screen - people tend to build their lives around the reality shows and soaps. This is a refreshing statement that captures the view of someone who can see straight. Lines 13 and 14 don't flow as well as they would with a little tweaking.
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Thank you so very much. I'm huge into satire and I'm so glad you felt the strength. As for someone who can see straight it takes one to know one doesn't it! I appreciate your comment and read, as for the corrections to lines 13 and 14 I saw they were warranted as soon as you pointed to them. I made these corrections:
An image we must invoke,
a message shrouded in smoke.
Be afraid of what you see,
and never look too deeply.
(13) You must always trust the set,
(14) and swear you'll never forget.
Thank you again for the critique and compliment.
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This is so funny, I just read a piece by someone who had critics compare everything he had written to something they had seen on TV. His work was completely original, at least as original as any of us can be. I was completely aggravated that responses had to be based on the influence these writers had seen on TV. You nailed it. Can't we just disassociate ourselves from the tube long enough to respond to someone's heartfeelt words. If all we are going to do is compare everything to this media why not just quit writing and watch TV. I'm rambling and you are very good my friend. Be well. RC
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Thank you so very much for the enthusiastic comment. I fear the role that television is playing in human evolution. I'm glad to hear that my views are shared and wish you the best in making your own path. If you want to see very funny glimpse of T.V.'s impact on the future get the movie "Idiocracy". It made me laugh so hard I had tears in my eyes. But it very well could be a true glimpse into our fate.
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IF there was no commericals I am sure we the views would be paying for a licence to watch TV.
I feel as you stated, you plan to revise, it a good thing as it does need a better flow introduced.
I am not to good at saying where the work is needed, others I see have given you that info.
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Thank you for the comment. As it turns out the only cable channels I own are hbo shotime and skinamax. I loathe commercials and what they represent.
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One may loathe commercials and what they represent, yet i bet most everyone answers to a commercial however it is represented, be it on TV, bill boards, magazines, pamphlets, even by the word of mouth is a form of commercializing.... loathe one, one has to loathe all, that can leave one with very little infomation.
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What I loathe about advertisements is the methodology of sale. Things like framing, Pavlovian responses, and branding are largely responsible for the greed that has placed money over personal well being. I would prefer to live in a society where the fundamental value is compassion not greed but I have yet to find that society.
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some of the rhymes felt a bit forced, like 'lore'.
strange capitalization with 'and now hear this'? Perhaps a stanza break before it would help? And if you do that capitalization, use it again with This Just In...
"and you are safe and sound inside" - lose the first 'and'..
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Thank you very much for your critique. I took your advice and made the adjustments you suggested. Thank you again for your critical read and comment!
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I thought this was nice, but some parts of the rhyming sounded a little forced to me.
This was my favorite part:
"The light that warms up your face,
as you sit down in your place.
The program has just started,
your wisdom is imparted.
Soon you can see more
tales of luck and lore.
And Now Hear This,
We pause your bliss."
It was because you used good rhymes and vocabulary, that part just stood out to me.
This was very nice and gave me a little chuckle.
Very nice, keep writing
~Docteh -
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Thank you for reading my work and commenting. I'm glad you found amusement, my work is always laced with irony.
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It was a little snowy, but I think I got it: you know, at one time commercials were not allowed to run as long as they are now, they should have never changed that rule.
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Thank you for the comment. I wish you would describe to me what you meant by snowy. I had no idea that they ever had a law to limit commercials. My biggest concern with today's commercials is three fold. First the branding of children by companies like McDonald's. Second the Pavlovian response forced by certain companies towards their products. Third, the blatant attempt to fear monger the general public into a buying frenzy all make me sick to my stomach. I fear for the brainwashed generations of the future.
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The FCC regulates the amount of commercial minutes broadcasters are allowed during prime time, the last increase in those minutes allowed was during the Reagan administration, as far as I can recall, but they may have increased allowed minutes even more and don't want to talk about it. (LOL) In the 1960s a typical hour-long American show would run for 51 minutes excluding advertisements. Today, a similar program would only be 42 minutes long; a typical 30-minute block of time now includes 22 minutes of programming with 6 minutes of national advertising and 2 minutes of local. When you watch re-runs of older shows, what you usually get is those shows with snippets carefully cut out to fit the new commercial scheme.
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Sarcastic and witty! I love it! The universal baby sitter and time killer for all who don't care to read, write or converse. Don't change a word!
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Thank you very much for your comment. There is rarely a better emotion than being appreciated by the like minded. Confirmation of my beliefs is the best. And television is the worst!
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Hah. I found this pretty funny, actually. It took me a bit to get used to the rhythm of the poem, but once I did, it flowed well. Nice job.
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Thank you very much!
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