Building Me!

I sank myself into pleasing you, but it couldn't be done.
I'd lost myself in trying to please you. Together we both
lost every damn thing we had.
Worst of all we let your kids destroy mine
and in so doing destroy their own humanity.

When you left and set up an apartment for the toad
you substituted for me, I felt empty and alone.
After working all night, I came to try to change your mind.
After we made love, you said, "If you really wanted me,
you'd have shave and showered before plugging me!"

I drove for hours because I had nowhere I wanted to go.
I found deep inside of me the knowledge that I didn't
need you or anyone else; that I could love myself because
I was God's creature and made in his image. I learned to like;
then to love me. Once that was done I could love anyone.

With a family of many souls, I wonder now why my need
for you was great! I found my own company good, though
I still loved a crowd. I listed my needs, went back to school and
fulfilled them. When I worked as a Counselor I found kids
related to me and I to them. I set a new goal.

When I began teaching I knew I'd never have great monetary
rewards, but in doing what I loved, I was being fulfilled.
Somehow I ended up teaching in a state hospital for the
mentally retarded. My kids had the added bonus of being
mentally ill as well. They tried, Oh! How they tried, putting normals to shame.

Life is good. Each day is a new challenge which I welcome
with open arms. My God is always with me guiding my way.
Life has not been what I expected. I expected to be dead by now.
Several times I have come close. I savor every day and find
time to both work or play, poetry as often as I may.