Everyone tells me which way to go.
Has everyone got the right idea though?
Something to signify the right direction?
To change the image in my reflection?
Overcome the person I've come to know?
My friends see me, or think they do.
Life interrupts with it's mournful tune.
Has everyone really figured it out?
Just when I thought I knew what it was about?
Begun a new day, I started with you.
I see in others what they want me to see.
Need answers to questions that they're posing me.
To find the solution to what is wrong,
Move forward to a future that isn't yet gone-
On we go now, from what I can no longer be.
(I am alone currently...
Will anyone accompany me on my journey?
Win my affections and dance with me!)
Author notes
An acrostic with a difference. It's not the first letters that spell out a message, but the first word of every line.
(Gotta be a name for this somewhere...Word acrostic?) I dunno...
In a list
- 'Did you know...? Sometimes, your worst abuser is actually yourself.' • next in list
- 'If you don't deliver, I'll Triple Acrostic your arse!' • next in list
A contest entry
- Constantly Overcoming by Byepolar bare.
675 points, ended December 20, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does it make sense? Does it need to be changed?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like the message in this, and the rhyme throughout, both in your acrostic poem and in the overall poem. I also like the part at the end that is set apart, it makes it stronger and ties it all up.
Well penned,
~lost -
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Oh and why do all your titles end with .periods/full stops.? -
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I'm a bit weird in that some things i have OCD in, to an extent. I'm a grammar queen!!
(Lol) Anyway, yeah, I just feel like they have to. It's weird if they don't...
Or something.
Good question though!
Question to you- which parts are too straightforward for you? -
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"My friends see me, or think they do."
"Win my affections and dance with me!"
& maybe
"Everyone tells me which way to go."
But I'm just being niggly though...
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I think. That this is a very complex format you have here ~ and it was well executed.
However, I think your content at stages is too straightfoward, and maybe you could be a bit more cryptic or abstract, or just find a different way to say something.
But it is still a great poem ~ I still think this structure really rocks my sock off. Congrats.
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Notice
Contest will be extended a week or so, I am not well and will likely be in the hotel for the sick and injured for a brief stay. Sorry guys. -
hahahaha clever!!!!!!!! love this you nutter!! x
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I think the side of my face tingled
I am going with word acrodtic as well, Salt Therapy coined it though for this contest, I shall give credit where credit is due on my part at least. I just call it good fun and one hell of a tool to gain insight for a moment. Speaking of which...
For the most part, you found the what I think is one of the greatest and most difficult struggles of all. A conflict that constantly ragest and is always renewing...therefore always giving a chance to be overcome. Which aspect of life is more important, where should I live? Out there with them? With the others? Should I be outside looking in? Or should I be inside looking out, inviting others to join in? Am I a product of what others see me to be? Or am I the sum and total of my experiences? Can I define anything outside of myself and my experience of what happens? Or am I just everyones piece of clay, just as everyone else is mine? Are we objects, or are we subjects? And what does that mean?
I will accomany you on your journey, and to you I say, dance with me, or dance without. Play to win, even if it is obvious that you will lose. Win and lose are only points of view, and I will prove it. Take the first place team in a sport and the last place, and if the last place team has never lost by a margin of fewer than 20 points, if they lose by ten, it has been a victory. They have overcome their inability to lose by fewer than 20 points significantly.
Overall a very good write, you managed to catch the very heart of the human problem. -
WOW
I just love this piece! I often times go through that up and down aspect of things too...particularly when you are praying for others and the discernment is overwhelming...loved it,be blessed sister and hope all is well with mom.
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I really like this. It's different, but it works!! I love how the first words spell out a message! Great job!
-Savannah-
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