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Voices

Missing image

 

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

 

Scars bleed insecurities haunted by past aspersions
that echo in the dense air of midnight winds

Mask thorns that pierce flesh  
under curtains that flutter deception 

 

And stroke memories; awakening unwanted words

that live deep among the drapes of a smothered soul

 

Alone in hollow skin and twisted sheets- ravel
tightening throats with broken tears

 

Release tensions with clenched fists 
that grip the pillow of tarnished dreams

 

 

 

 

Author notes

(artist credit: "don't offer me roses" by temporary-peace at DA)

A contest entry

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • storiesuntold gold member
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very good work here

    A very indepth poem of time passing and sorrows that remains still


  • Cannonsfire
    December 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh I really enjoyed this one, it's a strong write, I'd remove a few of the filler words, some 'the' 'ands' etc. That second stanza: it could read 'mask thorns of pierced flesh
    as curtains flutter deception'

    when poetry is done with less then it is sometimes more. It's an exercise worth doing to speak the words out loud when you write, sometimes this is how you can see where you can pare it down.

    Please forgive me if I ramble because I do enjoy helping if I can, sometimes I get in trouble and yelled at because it is essentially your piece of poetry, but suggestions I have found are often a good guideline for improvement and we all want to improve


    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      December 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      wow...great advice...I will certainly watch out for those filler words

      oh and you remind me of my english teacher...she use to tell us to read our work out loud all the time...lol

    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      December 6, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      No, I don't yell...

      Im always telling my friends on this site that i welcome their comments as well as their critiques...because I didn't realize how awful my poetry was when i first started on this site until just a few months ago...lol. and that's about the time when i started asking people to critique my work...

      I've come a long way...believe me...lol

      more people should welcome critiques...but I am afraid myself to give any advice because i have been cursed at really bad!!!

      so i understand

      • Cannonsfire
        December 6, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        lol Yes hun I know, some don't take kindly to it but then poetry is a fairly personal thing to most, and some do it only for themselves rather than wanting to just write about anything. I choose my favs and my crit subjects rather carefully now and the ones I know who don't cope I just don't do anything than say I've been and well done. But whenever you want my opinion just ask, will be only too happy to help if I can.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really love this write from you!
    You did a wonderful job bringing this picture
    to life through your words here. Congratulations
    to you on your trophy here my friend and
    keep it up! Always a pleasure to read you!




    Jeremy0826


  • hawkeslake gold member
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What I took from this was a night frenzied with bad memories and/or bad dreams, causing depression or despair, all described with astonishing care for precise words and a great line flow... very well done.


  • chilali
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am so loving your work. I am seriously hooked. There is not one boring poem in here Cathryn. Haha. I love this one. Congratulations on the Bronze!!

    Much love
    Ylova


  • Haygood gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    That does help...

    Seeing where you are coming from helps me to see where it is going. I do get more of the imagery. It is a very dark write.


  • Haygood gold member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Too deep for me...

    I missed the direction you were going with it. I see some symbolism but not all. Sorry, I'm simple minded.

    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      December 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ah, I understand - to me as i was writing this, I was thinking about being alone at night with myself and how the silence of the night awakens the past (bad memories) mostly as a child where my mother was with an abusive boyfriend and how his words still haunt me at night when i am alone. and thinking in someways how they had partially damaged my dreams. (no pun intended) - woo that's kinda depressing - but that's what I was writing about.

      but as the reader...you take it anyway you want. Glad you stopped by and gave it a shot!


  • thepoetssoul
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is some picture dont offer me roses
    You did some fantastic writting on this poem.
    The vivid imagery is very creative, and holds powerful emotions.
    You have penned a beautiful poem,thanks for sharing your heart and soul.
    Congradulation's on the Bronze,well deserved.

    Tony


  • Rose-Quartz
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This Is Excellent

    This is an excellent poem. You capture such pain and despair through the imagery of your words.
    But this is so beautifully written as well that you draw the reader in and uplift their soul at the same time. Wonderful. I wish you All Good Luck in the contest. With all my very best wishes from Rose xxx


  • Beauty Of Silence
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. this had some brillaint imagery. it was very beautifully penned. and your last stanza was amazing. keep penning


  • Play-A-War
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a really nice write.

    Great choice of words and put together so well.

    I actually really like this.


  • Venugopal gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Mask the thorns that pierce flesh
    under curtains that flutter with deception
    awesome write, thanks for sharing


  • poppa
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write... love the last line, awesome... good luck in the contest..

1 - 19 of 19