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Out There...

Out there

is where

I am needing

much more
and wanting

even less

 

This life,
this stress-

is this all that's left?

It's a little late for
who-do-I- want-to-be

when-I grow-up
and a little too early

for a midlife crisis

And the clock

is screaming at me
It's time to move!

Get up and go!

 

Tickticktick, it's all I know...

In a hunt

to find that happiness
some of the lucky few possess
but I have to find it in this fucking mess

 

Then they want me to be the forever optimist

 

Yeah, damn right  I'm scared to death


Truth is

this may

be the best that I do

 

Happiness gone askew


Barely making it

scared of breaking it

just keep taking it

always aching

and way too good

at simply faking it

 

No mistaking it

My fear is I'll do it alone...









 

Author notes

I've been waiting my whole life
to go out there,
and explore the outside world
that I've always feared.

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Nam
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    A nice poem that you have written here.

    -Nam


  • Menna
    March 28

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely, I really connect with this and its amazing. Beautifully done, I love the rawness of your style.


  • Draig aine gold member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply

    congratulations on the bronze thingyr


  • Swan song gold member
    January 13

    Edit | Reply
    Well you were not supposed to send such a good poem in to my contest!!!!! I loved the rhytm of your poem and the real world feel to it.
    There were some clever rhymes and this was nothing less then a delightful read.
    If anything negative could be said I think it would come down to what a reader lies and dislikes.
    in my book there is more to like in this poem infact much


  • Mrs D
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    reallly well done...love the rythm ....
    good luck in the contest ...


    "It's a little late for
    who-do-I- want-to-be when-I grow-up
    and a little too early for a midlife crisis."

    really nice stanza....


    and OMG "In a hunt to find that happiness
    some of the lucky few possess
    but I have to find it in this fucking mess, then
    they want me to be the forever optimist-"" love this expressions!!


  • spirit rising
    December 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow!the whole poem is great but i love the second stanza!!


  • jamiedoring
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's a little late for
    who-do-I- want-to-be when-I grow-up
    and a little too early for a midlife crisis.

    .....sooooo....if you see those lines pop up in one of my writes your not gonna be pissed are you? lol....I just loved this entire piece....but those lines stole the show for me. I agree with another comment calling this lyrical, I was struck by that immediatly. Loved it Girl....Write On!

    Good luc in the contest!

    Jamie


  • feetus
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you wrote this out!
    Lines 12-15 speak strongly, as does the entire piece.
    I think many fear the same thing. I'm not affraid to explore new things alone, I'm affraid that upon seeing new places and things, it's going to suck. Thanks for sharing & g'luck in the contest. I hope this one brings in some deserving tin.


  • Dragonbabyx3
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome! I am honestly speechless! The only part I do not like, is line 14: "That" can be removed, you have it on line 13, which sounds fine, but the one on 14 has to go, it distracts from the reading (or is it just me ) You did a wonderfuol job, and I really enjoyed this piece, I think so many people have a fear of going at the world alone, to explore new things, Great job capturing this!


    • BehindTheShadow
      November 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your kind comment and constructive criticism, I reread it and believe you are right so I removed the nonessential that. Flows better. Thanks


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow... This is really deep...

    Impressive work!!!
    Powerful in its emotional depth & heartfelt expression...
    Couldn't help but be touched by the sincerity & honesty between those wonderfully rhyming lines that made a rhythm of their own & flowed soothly within a contemplative narrative...
    Well done!!!


  • Cannonsfire
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh I really enjoyed this and it is very lyrical in the way you have rhymed it, made me want to hum a tune to it. Very well done here. C

1 - 12 of 12