It's currently November,
And as usual,
You're lying in bed, in that same jacket,
Watching the television-
With Molly next to you.
Yes, the dog.
'Your little girl,' you say.
A smile across your face whenever you speak of her.
Your little girl.
It's about 1am, and we're both still awake-
Me cooking fish pie for us,
No salt for you
(With that blood pressure of yours,)
You eat too many maltesers!
That plant in the kitchen,
The one you forgot to water...
Whose leaves are yellow now-
And looking out the window
At the sky outside,
Black
In true form.
Tainted memories of back then.
And now?
How we've grown,
Changed.
Evolved.
Sleep now, Daddy,
I'll leave you to your Dreamland,
And whisper I Love You's through the door.
From your other little girl.
(The one who is now 24.)
Author notes
Loving the idea for this contest! Makes it a challenge!
Poem had to contain a month, time of day, gender word, item of clothing, piece of furniture,
colour, condiment, animal, plant-related reference, name, allusion to a famous poem*,
favorite word of yours (you must provide the definition in AN)
My favourite poem is Actually the Jabberwocky- however... how'd you fit that in?
I used Dreamland- Christina Rossetti, instead...
http://www.poetry-online.org/rossetti_christina_dreamland.htm
Favourite word- Tainted. Kinda means corrupted, spoiled.
In a list
A contest entry
- Poetry Checklist by Polaja.
1200 points, ended December 2, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is it in anyway emotive?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Hoodwinked 135
Cool, people often think of pets as their children. Usually the pet is included in the family and not a replacement for the family. You have been hoodwinked because someone cares about you.
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Oh this is brilliant ! !
I do like your writing !
and yes, it is so good to see a fellow UKer!!
x
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very touching i loved it and it was sad i love how you said the flowers were looking out the window and at the end were you said whisper i love you's through the door that broke my heart. great work and keep it up..
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poignant
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That's a sad poem...i can relate, i was adopted and it just felt like i never belonged. In a way i wish my father would accept me for who i am. Great imagery, amazing poem. Thank you
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wow this is beautiful, I can see wht it would make you cry...peace
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That plant in the kitchen,
The one you forgot to water...
Whose leaves are yellow now-
And looking out the window
At the sky outside,
Black
In true form...very interesting lines in this overall cool poem...kudos!!
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Free verse certainly isn't my forte, but I'm happy to NOT see a poem loaded down with I's and me's, especially in light of the fact that this poem is about you at home cooking for your father at some absurd hour in the morning which is amusing in itself!
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This is beautiful and a little heartbreaking. Great job with the imagery and flow. Absolutely wonderful.
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This is a great write. A little on the sad side but great never the less
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omg this is incredible, it seemed to flow straight from th heart, it is just intensly captivating from first to last, a really really cleverly done, emotive poem
thanks for sharing
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Gotta say i.m surprised you like it so much...
but thank-you!
it was Relatively easy to write, actually- but very hard to read back.
Maybe bizarre??
isn't it funny how you can pour emotion out onto the page, but you can't face it again afterwards??
thank you, anyway! Glad you liked it!
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I loved how natural this was, like it was really from the thoughts and the actions of a person directly put into words. Really poetic how you captured a time in life like that. Really beautiful. =]
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Fish pie? o.O You British are so cute...eat the weirdest things...but I love y'all
And yes, Jabberwocky is the best... are you obsessed with Alice in Wonderland too?
But I love how this tells how the years went by and everything just kinda... collapsed i suppose would be a good word...
Either way awesome imagery Sets a wonderful painting of it all
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This is an interesting poem the details are successful in making it seem like a bland place to be - and the conversation of whispered "I love you"s is very emotive - this is a sad poem, painful in a way, and interesting to read - I think you have done well
Thank you for your entry
Polly
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sounds tough and challenging lol you have way too much time on your hands....joking lol
This is clever how you done it and yet so sad at the end :-) xx
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wow, This is beautiful, yet terribly sad... I have never felt like this, although I believe I have come close. Beautiful job on the imagery, wonderful piece!
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