My self is worthless; a failure
Past mistakes trying to come to present
Creeps that make my legs shake... that is what they are like
Up in heaven, I wonder if God is
Like "She deserves this hell I put her in; She is nothing;
A failure."
Lion of Great Worth looks down on me as Satan remains
Stalking me as if I were his
Prey
Can't think like this, I tell myself.
Breathe. The air is not sour
Or thick with stench.
Think clearly, Self. Though you
Feel this way, you know you are not. You are not
Like so many others... You are not
Dying...
Not one moment of hesitation is
Allowed...
Thoughts that are so much like the past... They are
Taking me to places I don't want to go again. I simply want this to be
Over.
Want... Isn't that a funny word. Truly, I want
Nothing
Only to overcome this again... Only
To be rid of Satan and his temptations.
"Be free!
Free from your sins!" My God forgives always.
Author notes
I struggle with my past all the time.
My past creeps up like a lion stalking prey... Can't breathe or think... Feel like dying... Not allowed... Thoughts taking over... Want nothing... Only to be free...
In a list
A contest entry
- Constantly Overcoming by Byepolar bare.
675 points, ended December 20, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your most personal & meaningful poem from ( 2008 ) by justgot2loveme.
1500 points, ended December 11, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The emphasis on God isn't my favorite (just my personal opinion, mainly because I can't well identify) but I can tell you're passionate about this, and I do like the message you give in this. I also like how this feels like a flow of thoughts battling themselves, it captures the prompt very well.
Well penned,
~lost -
Awww Sweety,
I know what you mean.
I struggle with my past at times also.
I think we all do from time to time.
You have done a great job writing this.
Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Justgot2loveme
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Notice
Contest will be extended a week or so, I am not well and will likely be in the hotel for the sick and injured for a brief stay. Sorry guys. -
Ah..this is really a sad piece and the imaginations made through the poetry are very thought povoking as well..thanks for sharing...
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In the words of a villain from my favorite book series: Brava!
Granted, I am not so big on the religion thing, I am an athiest myself. You touched on something very important, setting yourself free from your past..setting yourself free. But, that isn't even what I was the most blown away by. I have waxed intellectually and even philisophically with everyone, but you wrote a poem that took the mechanics I asked for, and said I see your style, and I raise you complexity!
Not only do you very accurately paint the anxious, arms-folded-across-your-stomach, pacing-back-and-forth, shaking-your-head-muttering feeling that a past full of demons can evoke in a person quite well, and the two ways people usually want to get out of that feeling (death and forgiveness), but you also give it the urgency that I know all too well is there on a regular basis.
But on to the added complexity. You broke up the stanzas of the acrostic prose in order to keep it from spilling into itself. However the individual verses you allowed to flow freely (I know there's a name for that, don't worry) into one another to keep continuity. Which in turn, added to the grave urgency of the acrostic prose, kind of like giving it fitted clothes with colors to match its tone. You ignored convention, broke traditional rules of writing, you put yourself into what you wrote. I tip my hat. -
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umm... thanks. I see why you felt you needed another day to comment and couldn't leave a rushed one; you had a lot to say. I am glad that despite the mention of God, you still enjoyed this piece.
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I wonder if God is
Like "She deserves this hell I put her in; She is nothing;
A failure."
I don't think He is...
Feel this way, you know you are not. You are not
Like so many others... You are not
Dying...
You have no idea how much I LOVE that stanza.
So oxymoronic.
This is truly a masterpiece.
And I'll bookmark if that's ok...
Incredible work. -
I can leave a real comment later
I have to leave where I am now, could you leave a message to remind me to judge this next time I am at the librarry (likely saturday) and I will even reward you with an applause (I don't do that in contests typically), Theyre kickin me out, and salt says its good, and I read the vertical, I like the urgent anxiety (the kind that comes with shaking your head, muttering to yourself and pacing back and forth that recalling horrendous pasts tends to envoke, I used to get that from time to time) it evokes, this should be a damn good read. I just dont want to accidentally over look it because AP says I already did. and I have a bad memory from smoking too much pot as a teen. thanks for entering! -
You kidding? This owns my ass like a library card.
I love this, very delicate, very intricate, very powerful.
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