Ho ho, fu-------ing ho
My bloody paunch will have to go
I am stuck in this flaming chimney pot
And it’s still flaming bloody hot
Mrs Santa feeds me up
And gives me lots of wine to sup
She doesn’t realise my plight
The job I have on Christmas night
She thinks this present game’s a doddle
And doesn’t notice that I wobble
Oh my god what shall I do
Still stuck in this bloody flue
I have this sack full of toys
For these greedy girls and boys
They want the earth and more
Much more than the year before
I really hope it’s worth my while
And I get wine and mincemeat pie
Good will to all men, my foot
What, when my beard is full of soot
J Lloyd
Author notes
A Verry Happy Christmas and all the best for the New Year to all.
A contest entry
- "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause!!!" by LovinCharmer.
675 points, ended December 20, 2008, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Christmas Pre-writes by Judith Chandler.
700 points, ended December 22, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh by Pollycheck.
575 points, ended January 3, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #34 THEME CONTEST (: by Walk-Free.
500 points, ended December 25, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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what a kick-ass poem.
thanks and blessed Christmas
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Thank you for entering my contest. This is a very interesting twist on an old classic. I can relate to the feelings of this Santa
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The age old Santa question: how does he get down the chimney? Sounds like the kids will have wait to this year, until he loses some weight. I think even Santa could be excused for using the F word under the circumstances.
Thank you for entering my contest. -
LOL! This is so cute!
Yeah, blame the wife it's all her fault!
Great work and thanks for sharing it.
Good luck to you in this contest!
Jeremy0826 -
the grouchy twin brother who helps out sometimes I met him once... this was funny!!!
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Gave me a Chuckle
Very good piece you have here a little on the dark side of St. Nicks personality and thought process. A refreshing twist if you ask me..lol..Good Luck in the contest..Guess I better not light the fireplace this year, or Santa will have a burning arse to go with his sooty beard..lol.....LC
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