Detached emotions,
memories, diffuse
Scenarios leaking through
no more time to lose.
A soul with a party line,
callers interrupting
purpose, focus, skewed
chaos disrupting.
Not yet all alone
though most have integrated
events seen from a far
not yet assimilated.
A kaleidoscope view,
the world a revolving door,
fragments flutter about
softly assaulting the core.
Events from my past
always reaching forward
become entangled with my now
making nothing straightfoward.
One made up of many,
all in one body entombed.
Freedom never possible
till past horrors are exhumed.
Author notes
POM
The theme for this piece has to do with the integration of personalities. As I live with DID (multiple personality disorder) and work towards complete integration, strange things happen. I receive memories and facts from a personality as it merges but sometimes it takes a while for the emotions connected to that memory to take hold. Since I had a massive integration of several personalities at one time I am overwhelmed with many memories that, although, difficult to deal with, still have no emotions attached. This poem is what came out of that.
This is listed as a prewrite as I started with a prewritten poem as my base, but I generally rewrote this just for this contest.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM - by Bear by Arkbear.
3500 points, ended December 1, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Illness by kissing the lipless.
475 points, ended April 18, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
I loved the image of the klaidoscope.
And I relate to this so much,
as I am currently in the beginning stages of integration
Stay strong!
-
Excellent imagery here, such vivid detail. Party line and revolving door.
-
I love how you have captured the DID. It sounds like you have made a lot of progress. Well done!
-
Hello and Welcome to POM!
Hello,
First your theme was great, you gave some great imagery into this write.
It was very intriguing.
The flow need more pauses for me ...just my thoughts.
Alot of talent here bring us more!
My scores will be up at finale judging.
Best regards,
~Lisa~
PS: Brave write *wink*
-
-
Thank so much! I appreciate your comments and the time you have taken out to judge. I have been in your shoes so I know how difficult and time consuming it can be!
-
-
Hullo and welcome to the POM,
I thought this to be ok, I can tell you have talent and I think there could be a lot more to come from you, I don't know, I just felt it was decent, but not great. Needed more in my opinion, another stanza of similiar or better quality might have given it the depth needed to be REALLY good. As I say I just think you could do better, and I mean that as a compliment, you COULD be really good,
thanks for entering and good luck,
Floorboards. -
-
Hi and thank you for taking time to judge and comment on my piece. I have been a judge in the past so I am well aware of the time and effort it requires. Please do not take this the wrong way as I am certainly not trying to be rude. I have to say, though, it seemed to me your comments were a little on the condescending side. One thing I love about entering the POs is the wonderful constructive comments I receive. You say, you thought this to be "ok", but I would love to hear how you feel it could be made better. You say you "felt it was decent, but not great." but you don't give me any idea how, in your opinion, it could be made great. I don't necessarily consider myself a great poet, but, I do, already consider myself a good one. I am assuming you meant no harm by your comments, but I thought you should know how they were reading. Thanks again, and God bless.
Kathryn
-
-
Aloha and welcome to POM!!
Your title drew me in, right away…I like it
but that’s me…as are all these opinions…
I enjoyed this very much, great “feel” of
the many “yous” I have a small problem with
some of the punctuation…you use periods
sometimes…and not others…
My scores will appear in final notes…
thanks for a great entry! Best wishes
in the contest!
Write on!
REMEMBER: NO editing, once a judge has commented on your entry.
-
-
Thanks so much for your comments! I value you guys's opinion. I know you are often a judge and I know how much time that can take. (not to mention brain work!) Thanks so much for sharing yourself with us!
-
-
It's always my pleasure to judge...especially with entries
like this!!! It's one of the higher scoring PO's, I've ever judged!
Best wishes in the contest...
Write on!
-
-
-
i thought it was a pretty good write. I am glad you are doing well.
-
Hello
I find your L's are a tad long.....I am looking for more commas to sloooow me down so I might be ableto absorb all of your thoughts......don't rush me through your thoughts...let me take it all in
A soul with a Party-line....OMGosh...superb thoughts there ~
I really have nothing major to critque here.....mostly your formatting and punctuation is what I find hindering this piece of beauty ~
I applaud you for sharing this write....you have done well....good luck & God bless you....and thank you for keeping such a Topic in Poetic Format......nice job ~
Bear ~
Title 10...loved it.....had me pondering....I knew I was in for a treat....good job -
Flow 9.15....not bad.....L breaks could use some tweeking after contest closes -
Depth 7.8..enough depth to grab me and not let me go ....very nice .....but, still wanted more.....as you had 4 more L's allotted to your quill -
Theme 9.45...Nicely chosen.....but your penning is/was better -
Feelings 8.85....I was engaged in your personification and subject....nice depth and ability to grab me -
Grammar 9.3....pretty straight-forward....looking for a few Mets to hold me in thought -
Presentation 9.25....break up those L's -
Uncommonness 9.85...unique approach to a Theme not penned before in the PO' Contests I don't believe -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.75...I did ponder.....had a *sigh* at the end -
Ability to follow Rules 10! -
Bears Score: 93.4
Nice job
No editing once a Judge has touched your work -
-
-
Thanks, Bear.
You know I value your opinion. I have had some trouble with punctuation, especially with pieces such as this one. It just flows out so quickly and with such passion it's hard to go back and put things grammatically correct! Thanks for all you do, you're the best!
Kathryn
-
-
Wonderful imagery portrayed here, the ending is the bit I enjoyed the most, brought it together very well.
A superb write, good luck in the contest
-
I like how you've done this. I especially like your 2nd verse,
'A soul with a party line,
callers interrupting
purpose, focus, skewed
chaos disrupting.'
Love the images in that verse - and it seems to fit so well with your author's notes.
best wishes in the contest.
-
This was interesting I have seen some writes on this before in the past on here and it is so personal that all I can do is leave you a
Good luck
-
this is fantastic, i love what you habe come up with, it's such an interesting read, best of luck in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
