Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Oral Imperfection

Ivory from animals tusk
made first dentures,
which rotted quickly.

From human donor,
bone made
perfect teeth.

Corpse,
snatched from
fresh grave

before body starts
decomposition,

removal of incisors,
replaced missing
spaces within oral cavity.

Infection took control
because lack of
antibiotics.

Pleasure from
cadaver smile,
caused death to men.

Author notes

POM
Theme: First Dentures

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • BeautifulFlame
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello and Welcome to POM

    Hello, Miss Genna welcome back!
    Okay hun your creative mind was working very well.

    I will have to agree though with uncle bear, we needed more prettiness in this one.. write of yours.
    The theme was very clever though!
    I will not go overboard on it though tonight cause i am sleepy lol.

    You have great talent Genna we will be seeing you around here alot i know!!!!

    My scores will be up at finale judging.

    PS. Did you know people with dentures can't chew real bubble gum...now that's just sad.

    Best wishes,
    ~Lisa~


  • Floorboards
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hullo and welcome to the POM,

    I quite like this, nice train of thought and decent images, didn't particularily care for the penultimate stanza, not very poetic to me, but on the whole quite a good poem in my opinion,
    well done and good luck to you,

    Floorboards.


  • islekine gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Aloha Sweety!!!

    I’m So glad I decided to help judge this week…
    and that you are still penning for the contests…
    you made me smile….with my OWN teeth…
    which I take care of…hope you do too!! lol
    Thanks for a great entry…
    my scores will appear in the final notes…
    Write on!


    REMEMBER; NO editing , once a judge has
    commented on your entry…


  • Arkbear gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Genna

     

    Let me show you something.....*ivory....bone.../..dentures...teeth.....incisors/......coprse...decomposition....death/.....do you see how closely those words are related?

     

    I do not suggest doing this -

     

    *Infection took control because of lack of antibiotics*.....that S* is not poetic.....to me -

     

    Ok...over-all....an informative piece you have penned my little Friend.....but I am sad to say I do not believe this entry will win this Month

     

    Break out that Poetic Voice of yours again....you will need it in the POY!

     

    I am pleased you left out all of those horrible Filler Wors...and I am impressed with your ability to hold my attention with this Theme.......but I believe the approach is what has hurt you here -

     

    Too informative and not enough poetic beauty -

     

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work -

     

    God bless you!

     

    Uncle Bear ~

     

    Title   9.6...loved it.....had me pondering..-

    Flow  8.85....not bad -

    Depth   6.8..enough depth to grab me ....but not enough to make me *sigh* -

    Theme 9.45...Nicely chosen -

    Feelings   5.85....lacking in this area quite a bit -

    Grammar   7.3....pretty straight-forward....looking for a few Mets to hold me in thought -

    Presentation 7.95...-

    Uncommonness  9.1...unique approach....but too informative for me....looking for more poetic beauty from your talented quill -

    Sit & Ponder Affect  7.75...I did ponder....some -

    Ability to follow Rules  10! -

    Bears Score: 82.65

    Not bad

    Good luck Genna!

    No editing once a Judge has touched your work -


  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, dark! A very well written piece, the imagery is dark and vivid. Love the theme, neat read! All the best in the contest


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello, and welcome to the POM

    Your imagery is astounding, and this is written with a maturity beyond your young age. Your theme is original, and I loved your darker take on such an experience as getting dentures; it was almost otherworldly My best wishes to you, and good luck!

    My scores will be revealed at the contest's end.

    Laura


  • Scyphon
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is absolutely amazing. I love the imagery of the tusks, corpse, and the process. This is so neat. Great take on the prompt, best of luck in the contest


  • Soft-Rain gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the creative mind you have! Your theme was great and i learned something i never knew! How cool is that!
    You my dear are growing to be a wonderful poet!

    ~Lisa~


  • aboomer silver member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this theme - it's unique and not one I've seen before....good job!!
    The images in this are a little ? un-nerving maybe?....lol....but I like this!

    best wishes in the contest.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First Dentures... I did like this I did not know that they took real teeth from people good luck in the contest be well.

  • Sky Prince Ireland gold member
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow sweetheart, I can tell you're really growing into yourself. Your writing is maturing more and more every time. That means your self confidence is getting stronger as you grow and your love for writing is blossoming more and more as well. Very nice poem, sunshine. Scientific and intelligent.
    Love your Daddy


  • poppa
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful wonderful write... your flow is beautiful... excellent... good luck


  • Melodies
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Written by a future forensic scientist...

    A surprise for the reader today! We should get used to being amazed by you, though, for it happens every time I click on one of your poems.

1 - 14 of 14