Old, no longer shapely, but warm and comfortable
with stretched out sleeve ends, that hang mid-hand
in reach of cold fingers that tug, and curl up, and into
the tightly woven, brown and gold, knitted thift find.
A give away, left abandoned on a rack of good will but
destined to become a well loved relic, appreciated
for the aged attributes used as criteria for it's rejection.
Antiquated. Value, and worth, restored by it's selection.
Author notes
poem of the month
theme what one rejects another will value, perfection not required
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM - by Bear by Arkbear.
3500 points, ended December 1, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Hello and Welcome to POM
Hello,
I must say this was a lovely read.
As a mother when my children were younger i found school cloths at yard sells. So i could relate. My father also looks for rare finds that people junk , sometime to find he has discovered treasures.
As everyone else before me has said, to break the poem up would have given you a higher score.
Even with the great imagery i found it not as easy to read as some.
Your theme was unique and that helps a great deal!
Keep penning, you just need some form.
My scores will be up at finale judging.
Best Regards,
~Lisa~
-
Hullo and welcome to the POM,
I thought this to be really quite impressive, the images were amazing, especially the stretched out sleeve ends, there's something I really like about this, very well done and good luck to you,
Floorboards. -
I really enjoyed your write,
as right now, I have an on going
clothing sale to raise money for
a daycare center…so it hit home
I do wish you would have taken
the advise of some others and
un -squished this!! lol
it really distracts from the flow
Best wishes in the contest!
my scores will be in final
notes…
Write on!
REMEMBER:
NO editing once a judge has commented on
your entry…
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i loved reading this.
-
Lovely Theme....not as Poetic as I look for, yet your approach to thiws Theme is quite clever ~
However, your formatting is going to take a hit, as boomer has mentioned, take avantage of those L's....let me breathe once in a while
*stretched-out*
I really don't find much to critique....mostly just suggestion on format and length and L's.....as well as finding some Strong Metaphors to enhance your vision....as well as the Readers -
Let's see how it does on my board
Good luck & God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 7.75....it's fine, but IMHO, gives the Reader too much info, and I would not click on this Title, unless I wanted to read about this Genre -
Flow 7.85....not bad, but break up those L's....gives the impression of a smoother Flow...IMO -
Depth 9.1..enough depth to grab me ....but looking for more....use your alotted L's availbale to you....you were on a roll
-Theme 9.45...Nicely chosen.....but your penning is/was better -
Feelings 8.85....I was engaged in your personification and subject....but briefly -
Grammar 8.3....pretty straight-forward....looking for a few Mets to hold me in thought -
Presentation 6.95...breaking up your one long S*'s is recommended
Uncommonness 9.5...unique approach! -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.75...I did ponder.....had a smile at the end
-Ability to follow Rules 10! -
Bears Score: 87.5
Nice job
No editing once a judge touches your work -
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Nice theme, many treasures are other peoples rejects. Very nicely penned, all the best in the contest
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Hello, and welcome to the POM
I like the way you've penned this. Your theme, though not the most original, is still an interesting take on the 'one man's trash is another's treasure' concept. Well done, and best of luck!
My scores will be revealed upon closing of the contest.
Laura
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I love 'thrift-shopping' - I find the greatest items!
This feels almost squashed together - there's 20 lines available....I would break this up into shorter lines, maybe add some descriptions of the items you've found, and tell why you find the value in them......just a suggestion.
I do like this theme, and I also like your title.
Best wishes in the contest.
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I did like this I wish that you would of used more of the lines that you were allowed and broke the lines up good luck in the contest best wishes always.
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Misshappen sweaters are even more worthy of love than the stiff, haughty things in department stores.
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