Green eyes shine in moonlight's gaze
Gliding over icy plains
The reflection in my eyes I see
Death is here, death is in the air
The rapture cometh, it cometh now
The strength it flows through our veins
With vicious paws we bestow fatal blows
And with gnashing teeth we shred to bits
We are one, pulsing with the earth
Render thee immobile
Shred with fangs and disembowel
Heavy like lithium the taste comes
Cherry red blood flows over pink tongues
Seething, the beings look up in fear
Wet eyes die as cold bites their lungs
A whisper escapes from each of their lips
The blood drips and the teeth still rip
The bodies are ripe, the mouths all gape
Their fingers clench but we're done with them
Like a cripple without his crutch they fell
And some of them will burn in hell
But why should I care?
Why should we care?
That's life and death
And life is fair.
Author notes
word bank:
*rapture
*lithium
*strength
*reflection
*crutch
*disembowel
*whisper
*bestow
*render
*seething
thank you ktulublackwolfe for the contest!
I tried to take a new approach with this, but i don't know if it actually worked or not. i also tried to leave it FAIRLY ambiguous, but i'm not sure if i accomplished that, either. please tell me what you think!
A contest entry
- The Darkwrite Challenge Final Round by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
1750 points, ended November 30, 2008, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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bravo
great job on the last leg of the contest a dark write for sure you have penned worthy of being in the finals. Best of luck to you in the contest and in life, Boog
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best of luck to you as well my friend (just between you and me i think you will place right around first).
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A well written poem here where the images of your words cometh to life.
Best of luck to you.
Riftkin
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I liked the rythym and the flow to this, but what I enjoyed mostly was the old english that you used here. Words such as cometh really give it a deeper feel to it, and I think that you should have continued to use them throughout the whole entire write.
Your words are deep and vivid and the twist at the end really compliments what you have here.
I thank you for taking part in my challenge and hope that you enjoyed your time here as much as I have enjoyed reading your entries. Best of luck to you in this final round.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Some very vivid and dark imagery here! I especially liked the fourth and fifth verse, very well penned. The ending was different to what I expected, most (as said below) see life as unfair so a pleasant surprise there. You certainly succeeded with the ambiguous side of it. Much enjoyed, good luck in the contest
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thanks for the comment!
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I think I enjoyed this much more than I really anticipated when I started the read.
I like the choice of words, the flow, the whole thing from start to finish just fit.
The last stanza had a lot of power to me. Most of the time, you hear people saying life isn't fair. It was just interesting to see the opposite of what I expected. I liked that.
This:
"Heavy like lithium the taste comes
Cherry red blood flows over pink tongues
Seething, the beings look up in fear
Wet eyes die as cold bites their lungs"
Was my favorite part. I usually get tired of the same ol' explanation of blood. But, it worked here. Cherry red, it's a rich color, bright and full of life.
I'm rambling now lol! Good job!
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thanks! i'm really glad you liked it. yeah, i thought the same thing about the cherry red blood thing. i actually got that from a song called "cherry red" by earthless (which is actually a groundhogs cover).
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