“Fortunes” the sign said.
I entered on a lark.
She sat transfixed
murmuring in the dark.
Admittedly, I was rude;
she smiled and offered tea.
“Your future’s blank” she said...
...as her poison entered me.
Author notes
Prompt: Picture
Picture Credit: http://asaenath.deviantart.com/art/Prophecy-103724134
35 words
A contest entry
- 10/35/40 Quickie! by Sweet Impatience.
700 points, ended November 30, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wonderful
Very well expressed. A great creation. Best of luck in the contest
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WOW, How deep does the vial go? Let me me know. For i wish to swim through every litre, until I reach the bottom of your fluid, till I have reached the reflection of your perfection.
A truly wicked write, and best of luck
Ocean!
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well don't drink tea from a Rom! lol. this was really good, a nice take on the picture.
Angel
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OH NICE!!!! Well done, I liked the little bit of dark humor in this, I didn't know if you did this intentional but when this part came:
Admittedly, I was rude;
she smiled and offered tea.
“Your future’s blank” she said.
-------------------
and then the ending came to poison, it just was a tad humorous, although I wouldn't normally say this, except the part where the person was rude, I guess that teaches people to be so rude sometimes, I guess you never really know huh?
Anyways the seriousness of the write was also very good, it was short but perhaps it is one of the shortest poems I have come across that I can now say is one of my favorites by far.
Good job on this one, I was stunned.
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Excellent.
I agree with Sensual Angel's comment..so won't re -word her sentiments of the poem.
Well done.
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WOW talk about dark.. this poem hits that nail right on the head.. this is a powerful poem, one that smacks the reader hard. like a wake up call of sorts.. okay so maybe I'm a bit on the twisted side, but that's the joy of me.
I really enjoyed the last two lines.. excellent job with this prompt, you brought her to life..
good luck
kat
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lovely, lovely imagery!
well done poet!
you pulled us in and we sat in devious curiosity with you,
last lines were ....authentic and true....I see, by your
writing, a fearless soul and ink...Welcome poet to
Glutton for Punishment.
Excellent write may you pierce the dark and not drown
in the dark unwritten.
ears/Seattle
Welcome onboard!
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