A letter arrived in my mailbox today.
The edges were tattered and starting to fray.
The handwriting that of a child, I would guess.
Curiosity consumed me, I had to confess.
The envelope colored in purple and black,
a smiley-face sticker was sealing the back.
It was vaguely familiar, like something I knew.
The return address vacant, providing no clue.
Three pages were inside, each of them filled.
The paper had yellowed like coffee had spilled.
“I wonder who wrote this?” my thought as I read,
the first line exclaiming, “I’m glad you’re not dead.”
Explaining the task that his teacher had made,
this fifth-grader was seeking a prominent grade.
The assignment was to write his hopes and dreams,
to hold nothing back and to think in extremes.
My mind was intrigued as I read through the text.
What would this imaginative kid think of next?
Naïvely optimistic, no thought of constraints,
no excuses were made, no whines, or complaints.
Eager and confident with a soft charming style,
Such words of belief, I've not heard in a while.
I too, was a dreamer with great things in mind,
but the world has distractions, as I’d come to find.
I found myself jealous of this ten-year-old child,
so full of potential with hopes undefiled.
My thought was, “I wonder what this kid will do?
How hard will he fight for his dream to come true?”
There was something about him I seemed to relate.
This new-found connection seemed driven by fate.
Somehow he had touched me, I wasn’t sure why.
I prayed I could help and committed to try.
He had triggered a passion, ignited a flame,
so I turned the back page to discover his name.
I found there a note that his teacher had signed,
“I send you the dreams that YOU once designed.”
That’s when it hit me, some thirty-years past,
why I remembered these words that were cast.
She provided the chance to look back and see,
the desires of my heart in a letter from me.
Author notes
My daughter's 3rd grade teacher has her do this, ... I expect one day she
wll receive a letter in the mail ... from her.
In a list
A contest entry
- Amaze Me With Your Words by Sue Cardwell.
1750 points, ended November 26, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - short, colorful, to the point by Avani.
800 points, ended December 24, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Just Want Something Good by reckless abandon.
550 points, ended December 25, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompt Contest: Unmolested Eyes by gatheren.
3871 points, ended February 1, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Very intriguing take on the prompt. You did an excellent job, especially for having selected a pre-write.
Thanks for entering and best of luck!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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I love it
Very good.
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4th line clumsy..
...Kevin IMO.
May I suggest :-
"Curiosity held me, I must confess".
Actually, it's not perfect, but it flows better than yours IMO.
Also, "three pages inside and each one of them filled", I think would be an improvement - not with flow, which is OK with your line, but IMO, mine would roll off the "tongue" better.
"A fifth grader seeking a prominent grade" would also be an improvement.
I find assignment clumsy. "His TASK was to write down his hopes and his dreams" would better flow.
Dropping "of" in the 18th line betters flow.
"Naive, optimistic, no thought of constraints" would better flow.
Ditto, by dropping "with" in the next line.
2 lines on, the comma is unnecessary.
When I 1st read this poem, I thought it flowed fine - it was only on further analysis I discovered that it doesn't.
Lastly, and by no means least, I find the concept of the plot a bit "schmultzy", and highly unlikely.
How many people are still living in the same house, or even the same TOWN 30 years later? Very few, I suspect.
BTW Don't you just HATE it when a critiquer writes "thank you for SHARING"!
It makes me want to ferkin PUKE!
Robin. -
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alright
Ii have to admit, you got me on that one... good suggestion on the line. hey, now that you've critiqued a couple of "average" at best pieces, how =about one I consider pretty good... "The Party's Over" if you would be so kind - thanks for your time - I appreciate it (I would say "thanks for sharing", but I'll spare you the puke) - Kevin
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I'm afraid I'll have to remove you from the contest, because you did not submit a fresh write before contest closing
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This is so cute, and I love the flow and rhyme of it. Thanks for sharing!
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thanks
you are very welcome - Kevin
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You captured me!
The little boy was you! Oh...........this was almost like a movie! I loved it so much!
Bravo!!!!
Congrats on the trophy!
CP
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I'm glad I was fortunate to come across you and your poetry on this site. I've read a few of your poems in the last couple of days and each one is a joy to read. I love the idea here, and your rhythm and rhyming are great.
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Thank you for your entry in the contest. A wonderful poem that I found a joy to read and such an interesting take on the prompt, a voice from the past, but your own voice, a neat twist. The rhyme and flow are excellent.
All the best...Sue
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Thanks
for reading and replying... it was a fun piece to write, inspired by my kid's 3rd grade teacher. I appreciate your words, they mean a lot. - Kevin (just trying to figure out what I'm doing here)
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Wow! Teachers sure are smart! Like the great Langston Hughes said "Hold fast to dreams..." You have given me a hope and desire to never give up my dreams, no matter the cost. Thank you!
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Wow, Thanks
I'm not sure I've ever gotten a response like that... cool!!! btw... I love your name... I will have to go check out some work here soon... - Kevin -
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thanks Kevin. hey if you can, can you check out my work sometime? Maybe we could become friends one day. Laterz!
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