I stayed awake to write this poem
because I wanted you to feel this hour
as I have felt it,
how tiredness begins losing its meaning,
how the voice of the ceiling fan trails off
like a chorus of sad angels.
I wanted you to realize how alone
the street-lamp looks in the window,
how sacred the earth becomes in moonlight.
And then, I wanted you to know the longing --
the insatiable relentless longing;
a homesickness that has no home --
so that you would forgive me when I told you
that, if there is a god,
he is cruel;
so that you would understand me when I say
that all I'm running on
is the thought of you, lying in your bed,
listening to the ceiling fan trail off
like a chorus of sad angels.
A contest entry
- && sometimes maybe i want to cry too by Simply Simple.
400 points, ends July 10, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Prewrites Preretites Prewrites! 2 by pain is love..
450 points, ends July 10, 109 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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wow this is amazing
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wow
this is good.
i write the same kid of stuff, and i feel the same way.
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omg omg omg
thats so sweet!!!! -
tender...
I like the way you reconstructed the end. Very simple but beautiful.
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That was absolutely beautiful. I loved it. It was sad and larger than life and exactly life. Great poem!
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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this was beautiful, like the way you approached this write was great.
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This is really beautiful. I can feel all the emotion you put into it. I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.
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Beautiful, and well-crafted. I have this kind of night here myself, too many times to count, filling each with thoughts and poetry - or whichever form of writing/project I am working on in each instance. At night the writer in his or her solitude may feel the loneliness that overrides the purposefulness of the isolation in which to focus upon the act of writing. Our eyes can take in the details of the inanimate around us, and our inner feelings can seem projected onto them - ie, in the way you detail the street-light above.
Really enjoyed this Corey.
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There is such an intense feeling in this poem. Everything is narrowed down to sensation and thought, perception and interpretation. A pinpoint of thought. The repetition was artfully used, and it had the effect of transcending the words so that I could almost hear what you heard. Very beautifully done.
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you are a true artist that was simply amazing
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wow this is so sad i can feel the emotion that you put into it
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wow very powerful
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Very significant! Everyone reading this will undoubtedly feel a tug at their hearts.. knowing this exact feeling. Pleasure to read this
Stacy
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so much meaning conveyed with rich emotion
well penned -
this is a very thought out and heartfelt write. You have such a beautiful way of portraying any emotion you write from and this one is no exception. You posses the heart of a true poet!
huggles
Lena -
An exceptional write on longing. Very emotional which is developed through melancholy thoughts and images, such as the lone street-lamp. I don't think I've ever seen a better use of repetition in regards to the ceiling fans. By applying the imagery of those lines to two people in separate abodes, this brings your poem together so well. It also shows empathy and considers how the other person is feeling. Soft, delicate and sad but very well done...alby
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wow. wow. wow. this is amazing. I really love how you used your words, and your very... unique descriptions. Beautiful.
I could really feel how you were feeling at this moment. Your thoughts... even.
Wow. Great write, here
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Hm. Yeah.
Did you really write this at college in your room at 3:54 am? Because this is a few of my nights last month.
The frightening specificity is disarming. Repeating 5 and 6 at the end was brilliant.
and sir, every poet is a free verse poet--and those who write other types as well are better able to write free verse.
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Extremely impressive. Your words and imagery are superbly penned.
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I really like this. It seems at night that the world is much more quieter and more lonely.
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Nice write ano
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Just stumbling around AP...saw your name, thought it a good one, and what a nice surprise to actually find good poetry followed. I think you have written something here most could say they can identify with. More importantly, you have written something we can feel emotionally. It's going to be nice getting to know your writing, Corey Harvard.
Lane
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I've never been this affected by someone's words before
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Your diction is perfect for the subject - close and intimate, familiar. For someone centered on rhyme and meter, this free verse flows and entices. Well done. Buff
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I like you am not a very strong Free Verse poet so I understand exactly what you mean in your notes. I as a reader of this poem think that you have done a wonderful job here. The emotion and passion is vivid and pointed. I was held captivated from the beginning to the end and can truly feel the sorrow.
Love,
Amera♥
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Oh this is so much more than merely significant. Your words have a soothing simplicity to them bathed in nostalgic depth with subtle darkness. I truly enjoyed reading this poem. You really do make the reader feel this image, this feeling and thorough state of mind.
I understand this, it hit home. An excellent piece. I doubt it could have been worded in any other way to have created such an effect upon me, at least.
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This is so perfect. It's more than just a portrayal or an interpretation of 4 am, this is the reality of it described in a beautiful way.
I've read all your poems and I'm so glad I did, each one was completely worthy of taking up my time, which I don't say very often!
Thank you.
abi
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Unlocking that thought with ink is the best feeling ever..Love the way it trails of....
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Ack...
this makes me ache inside, and that's not easy to do.
I like the way you utilized the repetition to both unite characters and leave a lasting image... or rather sound.
The first three lines remain my favorite.
Kelsey-Jo
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well done.
i know the hour you write about...i hear it every night.
i love the feeling of this poem.
-elizabethlovesya.
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this has a very captivating feel to it.
I would not bash your free verse skills at all. -
that poem is amazing
it is an amazing freeverse
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For someone who neither writes nor reads free-verse very often, you pull off an amazing feat here! This is so descriptive, and as I prefer to do, you have written a complete little story, yet leave much to our imaginations. Very well written!
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Wow, this is truly beautiful. I'm speechless. Amazing job. :]
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This captures the feeling of ennui this season inevitably offers up at some point for most. I like the repetition of the chorus of sad angels and the melancholic flavor, which is not overdone.
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this is truly amazing! This is my first poem I've read about yours but you ARE amazing at free verse!
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I beg to differ with you, sir! When a poet trained in meter and verse loosens the bond, magic happens! Experience with careful word choices and rhythmic strictures lead to a natural and flow.
The short set verses contain the thoughts and transitions well, lacking all pretention. A naturally sounding narrative, and evocative subject .
Your choice of hours -- far from the day before, and too long before dawn-- distills the loneliness. "The homesickness that has no home". A line to make the reader weep with the darkness and emptiness.
More!
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a homesickness that has no home<-- i liked that.
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I think the keyword in my comment; "process". I like your poetic process.
Renee
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You are a free verse writer
Personally, I believe a writer writes in all forms at all times when gifted to write. Does that make sense? YOU must claim who you are because others already know. There are many lines scribed here that made me stop to ponder or reflect;
"a homesickness that has no home", a poem within the very lines here poet. Caused my thought process to over process and took me to where you wanted me to be.
Very impressive musing!
I like how you repeated the last two lines of stanza two as your last two lines. LOL Love the thought of even writing the aforementioned process.
Solid poetry for sure!
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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This is beautiful. I like how the last stanza punctuated the whole poem. Very sentimental write.
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After seeing your contest posted, I thought I should check out your work. This is wonderful, well-crafted, concise, with an emotional content to which most of us can relate. I as sorry to see that you haven't been posting much lately, but I will check out your older poems.
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coming from a night owl...
this is great, simple and so powerful.
I like how you connect that
'listening to the ceiling fan trail off
like a chorus of sad angels.'
it really pulls it together as a whole.
very nice!
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a beautiful write that has a sad echo to it.. being a night owl I can see how this write could come about.. It's a lonely life, night.. Wonderfully expressed great word usage and vivid imagery.. all in all you did a fantastic job.. Thank you very much for sharing..
Angel
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A great write!
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exactly what 4 am feels like... I can relate to this so much, it's beautiful.
peace, love, music
-dh ♥ -
you saying that you aren't a free verse poet is like complaining that you are the slowest sprinter in the olympics; you're still miles ahead of the rest of the public.
case in point.
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wow. amazing how you can write this 4 am in the morning. though thats around the time i wake up for some odd reason. though this is an amazing one.
i can just feel what you feel sitting there or walking down the street with the lonely lamps.
great write.
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-no words-
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Wow- this just takes me away. This is beyond belief! I love the imagery used...greatness!
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1. About time you posted a new poem.
2. And it's even a good one!!!
I have felt this poem before, for nights at a time, and you nailed it. 10 points.
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I really enjoyed the use of metaphor and imagery. "4 am" is an excellent title for this poem, it ends giving you a lonely feeling. Overall a great write.
Best wishes,
Alyzeh
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I liked the way ...
the way that you shared these thoughts and the form you chose to do so with ... Your imagery comes through well and the line "a homesickness that has no home" ... just perfect! j
y
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