Years passed by
and you are not here
Did the butler go with you?
"Because he isn't here either"
In fact, nor are my tassels.
Dammit, I went and lost my tassels,
probably on a jungle expedition
to promote slavery, strip mining,
and the extinction of beautiful
defenseless animals.
Chirp, tweet, honk.
[And now a word from our sponsor
'Big Toke' the only way to burn,
and 'Cashmere', rich, plush, tasteful
makes you wonder where it comes from
huh... HUH! Well we're not telling.]
I'm confused
My cleverness
has turned into a very dill pickle
Hippy, breathe "Was I right?"
Ask Kennedy, beg Ghandi,
Straddle Stalin,
free ballin'
'Urban' is just another
quick easy word for
minority edginess.
Wow, isn't that fresh.
Like a french fry
hunting for a condom wrapper
to chew on under my Dodge
Omni's back seat.
I gave you my Spuna
I wanted to Spune you
Back to happiness
"I thought thats all you wanted"
I didn't know you wanted
it Desert hickory,
and mauve wall pattern.
I hesitantly take my land away
It got dumb from your dumbness
Somewhere in Texas a village is missing
its idiot, but somewhere in outerspace
a comet is finding one, see how that works?
You ask if I'm gay, "Why are you so fucking merry?"
My temper flairs; trumpets, "Because, I'M GAY!!?
I get up, to my feet, and say
"Yes, but Andy there's more...
I'm also the son of Lucifer,
can we still be merry together?"
Shock splattered all over your face
I whispered, ""See you at home... Deary?""
She leaves with the Butler,
but comes back with the Florist?
Yes, and guess what?
I'm a Jeopardy champion.
Whoomp, there it was.
Do I give you my scarf and cap, and, love?
So you can dump me again for the Landscaper?
No, just ask the Butler!
"He'll clean it up!,
He cleans everything up!"
I scream sobbing from the foyer,
and (breaking a heel)...
You arrive, and pick me up,
you brush me off and tap
my bottom and say something witty
like "your father must have been
a tree farmer, because you're as
sharp as a stump"
Then I 'getch' you another,
and we toast!
and we toast!
To all kinds of irrelevant
shit like soup and socks,
and fudge with nuts.
And I hope you mind,
I fired the butler
He did do his job
He made this life easier!
But unfortunately I
don't feel that
I deserve it.
(The rest is just a mad blur of death metal,
and irrelevant farm sounds with buzzing...)
Author notes
Written February 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- How do you deal with it? by Viv.
800 points, ended September 6, 2005, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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ok, cheers.
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I deal with it through parody and by being open minded and funny, onviously.
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I enjoyed reading this a helluva lot - it was well written and kept me interested from beginning to end. Also, anything that sticks it to Bush is fine by me!
However, for me to fairly judge this against the other entries, can you just send me a message clarifying how this relates to the contest? Sorry, it's just that with the other entries they are very obviously related, but with this one being a bit more abstract it's harder to decipher - and if I just guessed then it wouldn't be fair on you or the other entries.
Thanks again for entering this one!
Vivi -
this kicks ass
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FUNNY SHIT, MAN!
LMAO Farm sounds and buzzing? LOL The story of my life! Just kidding.
~Spike~ -
wow-excellent! so different..humorous...enjoyed!
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Oh goody can I join? The Branch Davidians wouldn't have me. Something about self sacrifice I was told. Loved the poem.
Regards,
Leo Long -
yes a conversation and I have them as well, only not as poetically pinching and making me stop and stop and think and you are all too right about that small town missing the its Idiot, though I can't understand why any village would...he'd say the Butler did it, or, anyone but he...sorry, there is so much here to digest and this is most provocative and must be read and reread...
You know, I... this sounds like a great SLam Poem, a Read Aloud to all Poem, somehow it beats and to hear it read...wow...meanwhile, much to ponder, wow, again!
'wow'? well, Much Applause, y'know...yes!
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Or old pudding.
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i will be honest I did not enjoy this .I also do not think I got out of it what you were trying to say .I did feel anger through this or like some one being condecending , if that makes sense . May be I will re read when I have had a few drinks .
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But... It was.
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this is so weird. it sounds like a huge discussion with yourself
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oh no no no i have to come and read this sober. i promise ill return.
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been in the desert...binging on the communion cup. i want to recite this in unison with the chosen 11 in the garden. what book of the Spunible is this from? i want to mark the page. i'm thumping and preaching on the street corner today.
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i know theres really six of you...six brains all writing at once surely no one could produce all this single handedly...wot else was i going to say...oh yes...i liked that line chirp tweet bonk the best.
Edited on Feb 07, 3:51 p.m. because ''. -
I swear no allegiances.
I'll stand around and watch, though. -
Would you be interested in becoming a Spunostle, not to be confused with the Spunostics (which we'll be the Sponostles minions)? he would bequeeth upon thee a Spune to transform with and spread the spread of the future, and naturally you would be famous, and so on and so forth until you joined all of us at the filling of the Holy Roast, and speak in tongues with one open to see who looked weirder in the pews... Sorry, yes where was I yes do you swear to solemnley swear a lot and splatter spuna here and there until it basically comes back to haunt us so help your spune?
Edited on Feb 06 because ''. -
NeverLand
Ah....the Grand Unification. I like that. That oneroleofmany certainly summed this up in quantum terms I can sink my teeth into.
And I shan't say boo about the butler, no matter the temptations. Christ withstood them and so can I by Gumby. I can see you and Christ, sharing a bit of the good lawn and him saying, "Yah, so tell me more about this spuna stuff. I got this big speech coming up on the Mount and maybe we could have your people talk to my people and cut some deals and use some of your stuff - for a percentage of course." But then he got nailed and all that sort of fell through and there is no book of Horus8.
Bummer.
I say toss 'em all out on their ears and find some cute little pool girl to skim your scum.
I'd love to comment more on your spuna-spewed verbosity, but the butler is making threatening noises and I got a hot pool girl in the car. I don't deserve that, but you gotta take what the lord tosses in your lap 'cuz the man is gonna take it away. -
dude, the butler took my bag...
and my friggin lighter.
asshole.
(well, at least I entertain myself)
I like this... lots of fun little bits that normally wouldn't string together at all, but you are the Grand Unification, aren't you... -
Hmmmm... (seems I'm always hmmming at your work ) But that's a good thing, makes me think and re-read everything.
I find this piece to be a good parody on life and love....the butler did it.... of course, who but the butler would have the wiles..and the balls. Well, you're right, the landscaper might run a close second, but a lot less convenient.
You've written an amusing, sort of scatterbrained piece here, Jerimi. Very good. You may not deserve the butler but looks like the two of them deserve each other.
I enjoyed this very much
Dee -
In this line: 'it's idiot, but somewhere in outerspace' I believe 'it's' would be 'its'
This was a weird trip, parody or not, it was a weird trip. And some of the lines remind me of some lines I put in my own work, where they make sense if you think about it but as face value one reading it would say 'huh?'.
Some good lines in this, ran out a bit long for me tho. But, still it was entertaining.
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So many feelings playing hide and seek in this here poem....and an image, alot like the dollar bill, who won't fit in the coin machine because he's crinkled.... and there is something therapeutic in the way we beat ourselves in a poem... oh, and by the way, brilliantly spoken and written.
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i would tell you that it's great but you already knew that, you always have a good poem waiting, great job keep up the good work you are so clever
spank you
naughty -
You can almost feel the frustration of lower intellects clawing at your walls. You are an unbelievably uneven talent. This, I think, is brilliant while there is other stuff that is so off the mark if it was a torpedo would manage to sink its own ship in the harbour. I have said this before and I will keep saying it. If you are focused, that strange madness residing deep within that soul will take you anywhere, either to the penthouse or the shithouse, the jury is still out! But things like this will take to you the penthouse
David -
there's my choder....i love this....your fucking so differnt the thoughts that spiral through that noggin baffle me...great write...truely enjoyed it as always.
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Well... That was lovely. So It's going to rain a LOT I take it?
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But unfortunately I
don't feel that
I deserve it.
--Fact or fiction, you are too hard on yourself. (Simply by reading these lines).
im not really sure i saw this as a parody...though, i kept hearing you scream "TAKE..TAKE IT ALL, GO ON JUST KEEP TAKIN TILL IHAVE NOTHING LEFT!!" and then you hold our your hands for them to take more...until..piece by piece, you are left, nothing.
Nyx.
Edited on Feb 04, 11:58 p.m. because ''.
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